Passing as Elias - By Kate Bloomfield Page 0,52

her scream.

‘Something of the sort.’ Elizabeth said through gritted teeth, as she tried to push the sexual visions aside.

‘Oh no, I have crowded you.’ Merrill fretted.

‘Not at all.’ Elizabeth said quickly, ‘I must … I must confess something to you.’

‘What is it?’

Elizabeth remained silent for several moments. Her heart thudded frantically in her chest. Say it, she willed herself. Just say it and it will all be over soon. It hurt to think about it.

‘Promise you will be happy for me.’ Elizabeth began nervously. She felt so saddened by this moment that she thought she might be sick.

‘Of course.’ Merrill promised. The thought that Elias might leave her did not seem to cross her mind.

‘I … I have received a letter.’ Elizabeth recited. She had rehearsed the speech in her head a thousand times over during the day.

‘Mmmh?’ Merrill said, resuming the kissing of Elizabeth’s neck. It made it extremely hard to concentrate.

‘I have been offered a position.’ Elizabeth said quickly, ‘to train as a surgeon.’

‘A surgeon?’ Merrill repeated amazed.

‘It is a wonderful opportunity.’ Elizabeth continued, determined to tell the whole story, ‘such a chance does not come by often.’

‘I am very pleased for you.’ Merrill beamed. She did not yet understand.

‘The only problem,’ Elizabeth said in a shaking voice, ‘It is … in the Netherlands.’

‘The Netherlands?’ Merrill repeated, aghast, ‘Can you not train here?’

‘The Doctors Association of Holland is said to be the best in the world. Their economy is thriving. I would be mad not to accept such an offer.’

‘Indeed.’ Merrill said breathlessly, ‘When will you accept?’

‘I have … I accepted over a week ago.’

Merrill thought hard, ‘When shall we leave?’

Elizabeth blanched, ‘We?’ she said faintly. This had done it.

Merrill became pale, ‘You did not mean for me to come, did you?’ Her voice was barely a whisper.

Elizabeth did not answer. She felt as though she might vomit from the effort this was taking her.

‘No. I did not.’ She forced herself to say.

Merrill stood, and stumbled upon the hem of her dress slightly. Straightening up, Elizabeth saw her eyes had become watery.

‘You mean to leave me?’ Merrill said.

‘I do not wish to.’ Elizabeth said pleadingly. She did not want Merrill to hate her.

Merrill had begun to cry, and Elizabeth felt that this could have gone much better.

‘I will return.’ Elizabeth lied, ‘I will come back to you.’

‘You do not wish to leave me, yet you refuse to let me come with you?’ Merrill said through her sobs.

‘I do not want to take you away from your life here. You should not throw away everything for me.’

‘You are my life.’ Merrill cried, ‘Everything I do revolves around you!’

‘Do you not see why that is a bad thing?’ Elizabeth said taking Merrill’s shoulders in her grasp, ‘Do you not have aspirations? Dreams?’

‘You are a man, Mister Searson, and may do as you please. I am a woman and may do as I am told.’

‘You can do as you wish.’ Elizabeth said fiercely, ‘When I am gone my sister will take over the apothecary. You shall work for her.’

‘I understand now,’ Merrill said through tears, ‘I understand why you would not fuck me!’ She screamed the last words, making Elizabeth jump.

‘Merrill!’ Elizabeth pleaded, ‘Merrill, please. You are over reacting.’

And Merrill slapped her.

Elizabeth held her face, waiting for the stinging to pass. It hurt her heart more than it hurt her face.

‘Do not be like this.’ Elizabeth said softly, ‘If you were to hate me, I might die. I did not wish to hurt you.’

‘Well you have failed at that, Mister Searson.’ Merrill said, ‘Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?’

‘No.’ Elizabeth said in a shaking voice. She was afraid Merrill might slap her again.

Merrill glared, but did not say another word. Instead, she dropped to her knees in front of Elizabeth, and for a moment it looked as though she were about to beg.

However, Merrill reached for the waistband of Elizabeth’s breeches, and tried to unfasten them.

‘What are you doing?’ Elizabeth said shocked.

Merrill’s shaking hands struggled with the buttons, but she did not succeed for Elizabeth stepped out of her reach.

‘Let me.’ Merrill said through tears, ‘Let me show you how I love you.’

‘Merrill, please. Stand up.’ Elizabeth said worried.

So Merrill stood, but this time she started to undress herself. She fumbled with the lacing of her corset for her hands were shaking so badly.

‘Merrill.’ Elizabeth grabbed her wrists, ‘Please.’

‘I do love you.’ Merrill said thickly, tears clinging to her eyelashes.

‘And I love you.’ Elizabeth reassured. It was