that he/she is part of this socially unacceptable part of the populace.
However, I do have faith in the students here. I think we’re all enlightened enough to overcome our preconceived ideas and accept things which are foreign to us. And if any of you out there aren’t, then you have the problem. You can change your mind, we can’t change our sexuality. Homosexuality isn’t a sin, a crime, a disease or even (in the broader scheme of things) a problem. Homophobia is. But it’s easily overcome. You owe it to your friends and to yourself to take the steps toward broadening your mind. And should your gay friend ever “come out” to you, please remember a few things. First: he/she is the same person he/she was before you knew about it. He/she is not suddenly your enemy. Second, it takes a lot of courage for someone to “come out,” even more when one is “coming out” to a close friend, since they risk losing that friendship which they treasure. Recognize that. You may be completely repulsed by the idea of homosexuality, but that doesn’t mean you need to be repulsed by your friend.
For those of you out there who are gay, I ask only this: don’t be afraid to tell your friends. I know what it’s like in the closet, since for all intents and purposes I’m still there. It’s no fun. Yes, it’s difficult to tell people, but it’s worth it. You owe it to your friends and ultimately to yourself to be honest. I’m still not ready to let the world know, but after having told a few of my close friends here, I can honestly say I don’t regret it. I remember vividly the first time I told someone here. I hemmed and hawed and talked circles around it for hours, then finally just came right out and said that I’m gay. I was scared to death to look my friend in the eye, I was prepared for him to get up and leave. But he didn’t. He nodded and said “Okay,” and smiled, and that was that. We talked about it, we even laughed about it, and at the end of the night, he thanked me for being honest with him. I can definitely say it was the best feeling I’d ever had. And the next day, we could still talk about it. We still do. No, he’s not gay, and no, I had no ulterior motives in telling him. The only thing that’s changed between the two of us is that our friendship has grown that much stronger. I’m not saying it’s always going to be that easy for you, but it will always be that gratifying.
You’d be surprised how open-minded your friends can be, and you won’t believe how great it feels to have that weight off your shoulders. This may be hard to accept, but you’ll never be “straight.” You can, however, be straight with your friends about your sexuality, and that’s about the most admirable thing I can think of.
I didn’t set out to change the world with this letter but I hope I’ve changed some people’s outlook on things a little bit. Homosexuality will always be an issue. Just because Holy Cross is so conservative doesn’t mean it should be swept under the rug here. I hope I’ve created something that will be debated among friends, something that can be talked about honestly and unapologetically. I sincerely hope that in the future, when the subject of homosexuality is discussed, all people here can take the steps either to come out of the closet, or to make it easier for others to do so. Maybe then, we can all talk about it the way we talk about other issues. Let’s hope it’s more than twice in the next 148 years.
Gay at the Cross
Please know that I am now, having typed that out in 2016, in a full-body cringe. But in 1991, I read it proudly, as though some smarter person had written it. I went over it again and again. I had done it. I was ready to see how the rest of the world would respond.
People responded in one of two ways:
1. They read it and paid attention to how closely and eagerly I listened when I asked their feelings about it. Immediately, they put two and two together like the international bright young things they were, said they were proud of whoever wrote it, and then had the grace to