that's what ended up happening.
"About you not telling the truth from the moment we stepped in here? I can get mad about that if you want, or I can wait for you to be a good boy and tell me what's going on."
Damn him. He knew that hearing the words good boy from his lips made my dick cheer like it was ringing in the new year. Being praised by Diesel was like a warm hug that quickly liquefied into a deep yearning. My spine straightened, imagining the words dancing from vertebrae to vertebrae, electrifying the nerves and shooting warm tingles to the rest of my body.
I loved this mountain of a man, plain and simple, but while my heart yearned for his nearness at all times, only one of us could trust our emotions. His desire, his need for me, wasn't real. I'd been tricked again, but this time, I'd been the deceiver as well.
"It's not real."
"What isn't?" Diesel leaned back, his question was as crisp as an apple in autumn.
I hadn't said anything and already felt like I wanted to disappear. Everything going on around us, it all pointed back to me and at more than one time. I was the common denominator here, and my absence would—
"Speak," Diesel ordered, managing to say the one thing to pull me from my misery and replace it with fury.
I pushed to my feet, clenching my hands into fists that hung at my sides. "I am not a dog."
"I didn't call you one. Now answer the question."
I'd burned too brightly and lost steam just as quickly. Realizing that even now, I was influencing the moment and dictating Diesel's needs was enough to push me back into the chair, my chin low.
Diesel's footsteps were measured. I couldn't see his boots until he stood in the square of floor I could see with my head down.
I just wouldn't explain. No one could make me, and if I said I was leaving with enough conviction, then maybe they'd believe me.
Strong fingers wrapped around the hair at the back of my head and pulled, forcing my face up to his. "Tell me what has you so worried. What isn't real?"
"You heard Claus. You know what my nephilim power is. What you feel isn't real. I'm making it happen, Diesel, and I'm so sorry for that. I've ruined your life…I've stolen it! You could have done anything, lived a long happy life with a mate who—"
He kissed me because, well, Diesel. Though his lips felt like home, I had to make myself remember they were more like those staged houses where the lemons were plastic and the TV was made of cardboard.
"Quinlan, I love you so much. I think you are smart—brilliantly creative—and sharp as a whip, but that was the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Your nephilim power isn't making me love you. Maybe it got you a few extra scoops of ice cream a few times. It could even explain how many times you got me to let you stay up late on school nights, but it doesn't make me love you. I do that on my own, and to suggest otherwise is suggesting I don't know myself. Is that what you think?"
"No…but you have no choice!"
Diesel's arms rippled as he lifted me from the chair. "I have a choice, Quin. I choose you, always, baby boy. How can you not know that?"
I dropped my face a second time, but this time in shame. Hearing Diesel explain it, I felt silly for my worries, but Diesel did have a way of talking away my worries just so I wouldn't hurt. "It isn't that I don't know it. I don't know how to trust it."
He growled and smashed his mouth to mine, losing the tight control he had on his reactions. "You trust me," Diesel whispered hotly, speaking with his lips pressed against mine. "Trust me."
I wanted to, and not just because my hole clenched for this man, but because he was my alpha. Trusting my alpha was my natural response. If he told me that my nephilim power wasn't the thing making him love me, how could I tell him he was wrong? If our roles were reversed, I'd threaten to cut off a body part if he refused to believe me when the topic was me. "Okay, alpha." I tilted my head, bearing more of my neck as I nibbled at my bottom lip. "I love you so much, Diesel, I can't