turned his head and took a kiss that lasted as long as both of them dared. When they parted, the water was still on, and Sebastion pulled way, gently ordering his hair. “I don’t mean to be that way. You’re so good at this, Luca. You’re so good at being kind and being steady. And you have no idea how lucky I feel that you’re mine.”
“Yeah,” he said softly, leaning in for another easy kiss, “I really do.”
Sebastion breathed out, then tipped their foreheads together. “How long can Todd hang at the house with Ivy?”
“For the night,” Luca said. “You want to stay?”
Sebastion’s eyes shifted to the side, staring at the closed bathroom door, then he nodded. “Yeah. I think I want to stay.”
Chapter Sixteen
Dear Alexander,
I don’t know if I’m breaking some rule by writing in your journal, but you’re asleep, and I just need you to know that last night wasn’t nothing. It wasn’t as much as Sebastion and I wanted, but it was also more than we planned on right now.
Not until you feel like it’s time. Until you feel like you can breathe again. I don’t know if you’ll see this, but please know that we’re here. We’re waiting. There’s a hole in the shape of you waiting to be filled, and if it stays empty the rest of our lives, know that no one else is going to try and fill that space. It’s yours. It belongs to you. Just like we do.
I don’t know if tomorrow will be awkward, but I know that I will never regret last night.
We want you. And we’re here when you’re ready.
Love,
Luca
Luca rolled over when he heard a soft noise, and he saw Xan watching him, propped up on his elbow. Sebastion had succumbed to sleep even though he’d been fighting it, but Luca knew it would be hours before he’d be able to relax, if at all.
“Facebook?” Xan asked.
Luca chuckled and pushed his phone back on the nightstand. “Nervous dog dad. Just texting Todd about Ivy.”
Xan’s eyes went a little sad. “I’m sorry she had to go. You two could totally go home, you know.”
“We know,” Luca murmured, and he shuffled a little closer. “We didn’t want to.”
Xan’s eyes closed, his lashes fanning over his cheeks. They were long, and they were beautiful, though Luca was starting to feel a little biased because everything on the younger man was beautiful. “I hope I wasn’t being a dick earlier. Um. After the shower.”
Luca smiled. Xan had come out to find Luca and Sebastion kissing—just a lingering, chaste press of lips, but there had been a shift in the room, and Xan had held himself apart. His tone was snappy, and his mood was on edge, and for a minute, Luca really had considered leaving.
But it hadn’t lasted. Xan carefully crept between them after a bit and accepted a little hand holding and eventually melted against Luca’s larger form as Sebastion started to drift off. Things had settled, though Luca still wasn’t sure they were wanted.
“Both of us understand you’re going through some shit,” Luca said, pitching his voice low so he didn’t disturb his husband who sorely needed the rest. “You’re allowed to have moments.”
Xan took a breath, then reached out and ran the tip of his finger over Luca’s ear. “I like you.”
Luca couldn’t stop his grin. “I like you too.”
“No,” Xan whispered, then he swallowed thickly and tried to shift away, but Luca caught him by the shoulder. “I like you. Both of you. It’s fucked up, and the longer you stay, the harder it is to…to deal with it.”
Luca’s heart crashed against his ribs.
“I hate how fucking jealous I am that you two have each other, because you’re so…” Xan went on, letting out a bitter laugh as he twisted his wrist away from Luca’s fingers. “You’re so fucking nice, and you’re like genuinely good people, and you deserve to be happy.”
“You deserve that too,” Luca told him, his voice fierce. “Alexander, you deserve the world.”
“I’m not sure I do. God, I’m…” He dragged a hand down his face and flopped onto his back, and Sebastion made a soft noise before rolling more fully onto his side. “Sorry.”
“No.” Luca reached for him again and urged him to roll back over to face him. “You’re not hearing me, Xan.” He licked his lips and knew he was breaking all the rules, but he couldn’t live another second without Xan knowing that there was something here. “You deserve the