Operation Fake Relationship - Jay Northcote Page 0,50

looked across to find Nick was still watching him. There was a small furrow between his brows and his cheeks were flushed.

Nick cleared his throat. “Look. Um. Do you think we should talk about… what happened over Christmas?” His nervous expression didn’t give Jackson any useful clues. It could have meant anything from, It was all a huge mistake and now I feel really awkward, to I have feelings for you and I’m freaking out.

But Nick didn’t want a relationship. Hell, he’d told Jackson enough about his counselling for him to know that Nick had basically been in recovery for the past two years and was actively choosing to stay single. So even if by some miracle Nick did have feelings for Jackson he probably wasn’t happy about that, and he’d be doing his level best to resist them.

How was talking about any of that going to help? Jackson didn’t want to hear Nick make some heartfelt speech where he let him down gently. He’d never had any expectations in the first place so there was nothing to say.

“Nah.” Jackson desperately tried to keep his voice light and casual. “No need to analyse it. It was just a bit of fun, right?”

“Yeah?” Nick’s tone was doubtful. “You sure?”

“Yeah. There’s nothing to talk about. Let’s just chalk it up to experience and get back to normal. I don’t want things to be weird.”

“No. No. Me neither.” Nick’s pink cheeks clashed with his red hair. “So yeah, that’s fine. If that’s what you want, we’ll forget about it and move on. Never speak of it again.” As he mimed zipping his lips his grin was a pale shadow of its usual brightness.

“I think that’s for the best.” Now Jackson could set about gathering the shreds of his pride and pretend that his heart hadn’t been split wide open. It would knit together again eventually.

“Right, cool.”

There was a painful pause as the television wittered on in the background.

“So, what do you want to do this evening?” Nick’s voice was artificially bright, the edges too sharp and brittle to be convincing. “Fancy renting a movie or watching something on Netflix?”

“No.” Jackson desperately needed some space from Nick tonight. “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go to bed and read. Hopefully have an early night.” He wanted to be alone to lick his wounds and process everything that had happened. The sooner he got through feeling unhappy and angry with himself, the sooner things could get back to normal.

As Nick lay in bed that night there was a strange emptiness inside him. After Jackson had disappeared into his bedroom, Nick had stayed up late and watched two films back-to-back and refused to allow himself to dwell and feel miserable. Given that it was past midnight by the time he’d come to bed, he’d hoped that he wouldn’t have any trouble sleeping.

But the peaceful solitude of his bedroom and the comfortable expanse of his king-size bed felt like loneliness tonight. He hugged his pillow close to his chest and stared into the darkness, wide awake, and wondering whether Jackson was losing sleep too.

He sighed and rolled onto his back.

How could things have changed so quickly? Just a few days ago, Nick would never have even imagined having sex with Jackson, let alone being in a relationship with him. Now, those things were all he could think about.

But Jackson had made his position crystal clear.

Just a bit of fun.

Get back to normal.

The words had stung, but at least Nick knew where he stood.

The sound of Jackson’s bedroom door opening made Nick’s ears prick up. He lay still, listening as Jackson went into the bathroom.

Should Nick have pushed for the conversation Jackson had tried so hard to avoid? It bothered him that he hadn’t been honest with Jackson. Maybe it was selfish, but he didn’t want Jackson to think that what had happened hadn’t meant anything to him, and he didn’t believe that Jackson had been totally unmoved by it either. Even if Jackson didn’t want to take things further, Nick couldn’t have totally imagined the connection between them. It was more than physical. How could it not have been when they’d been best friends long before they’d ever kissed?

He loved Jackson. That wasn’t new or shocking. He’d loved Jackson for years with an easy, reciprocal, platonic love that was solid and safe and sure.

But this was something different.

His heart began to race as he allowed this new feeling to unfold in his chest, thrilling and terrifying as