She nodded and laced her fingers together. "I'm not sure exactly how to tell you this, but I thought it would be better if I did it instead of Sierra."
My first thought was that she was firing me, but I doubted she would do that right before a family event that I'd been invited to. The next logical choice was about my request to go full-time and have benefits earlier than she planned.
So, I was somewhat prepared when she said, "I'm so sorry, but there's no way we can get you on full-time and with benefits until February. We have a lot of capital already tied up in the second location and we haven't even started renovations yet. I wanted to put it off, but it was too late. We'd already signed contracts and invested the money. I am so, so sorry," she repeated.
I nodded. "I expected as much. And I meant it when I said that you shouldn't put that off. If you have momentum now, you need to use it because it'll be a lot harder to get the ball rolling again later if you don't."
"I'm worried about you," she said.
"I'll be okay," I reassured her. And myself.
I would be okay. I'd have to be.
"Listen, I know that I gripe about him a lot, but J.J. is a good guy." She stood and cleared her throat. "Don't tell him I said that because his ego is gargantuan enough already. But, if he says he wants to help, that he wants to be involved in the pregnancy and the baby's life, he means it." Her eyes darted toward the house. "He's had two excellent examples of parenthood, plus Brody is an amazing dad, so he'd probably give him some good advice, too."
I glanced toward the house as well and realized I could see J.J. through the thin curtains over the windows. He was moving around in the living room, playing with Jacks. They were both laughing.
"I know," I said as I watched them. "What I don't know is how we're going to make it work."
Cam shrugged. "The only way to figure it out is to sit down and talk about it. Together. It sounds cheesy and very self-help of me, but it's true."
"Yeah, we do need to talk," I murmured.
J.J. must have noticed Cam and I standing in front of the window because he stopped chasing Jacks and sent her into the dining room, probably to find her dad. Then, he sauntered over to the front door and opened it.
"Why are the two of you standing out here in the heat?" he asked, joining us on the porch.
Cam squeezed my hand and did exactly what I figured she would—she abandoned me. "Work stuff. I'm going to go in and see if Mom needs some help with lunch. Maybe y'all should talk."
I sighed as the screen door slapped shut behind her when she went inside. Great, now that she'd planted that little suggestion, I was sure her brother would follow through.
J.J. turned toward me. "You're pale. Are you feeling sick?"
I shook my head. Well, I was feeling sick, but not nauseated. More, sick with anxiety.
"Maybe we should go inside where it's cooler," he said, taking my hand.
"No, it's probably better if we talk about this out here." I took a deep breath as he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. "Cam and Sierra can't put me on their insurance at the shop right now. They've invested a lot of money into the new location and they're already locked in, so there's no way they can swing it until after January or February."
J.J. nodded but didn't speak.
God, this was hard. I was just going to have to come right out and say it.
"My only other options are to find a job with benefits, probably somewhere closer to the Dallas area, and move away or..." I left the sentence sort of hanging. Nope, couldn't do it. I couldn't bring it up.
"You could marry me," J.J. completed for me.
I glanced up at him. "Or I could do that."
The corner of his mouth quirked in a semblance of a smile. "You make it sound like the worse option of the two."
I took a deep breath. "It's not that it's the worse option," I said. "It's just..."
"Not what you planned."
"No, it's not what I planned," I admitted.
And I think that was what made it so darn scary. Plan was one of my favorite words. Along with list. If I had a plan and a list