is used to women giving him exactly what he wants because of that pretty face and his nice manners. The fact that you aren't falling into line with his plans, well, it's gonna throw him for a loop."
I didn't tell her that other than the one time he mentioned marriage, J.J. hadn't said a single thing about future plans between the two of us.
I was too afraid of what I might see in her face.
Cam was right about J.J.'s intent to give me a ride to his parents.
But she was wrong about him being thrown for a loop.
When he called me Saturday evening to see what time he could pick me up for lunch the next day, I told him that I was driving myself and I would meet him there.
He took it in stride without so much as a word of argument.
After a short conversation, we disconnected and I spent the rest of the day either napping or feeling vaguely disconcerted about the lack of response from J.J.
Cam seemed positive that he would behave a certain way. And, honestly, I'd expected him to bring up marriage again, as well.
But he hadn't done either of those things.
I wondered, and not for the first or even tenth time, if he'd changed his mind about wanting to marry me for the baby's sake.
It shouldn't have bothered me, especially since I'd rejected him the first time he'd mentioned it.
But it did.
I also had no idea what to do about it. In the past, if one of my few female friends in college had an issue with their boyfriends, I'd tell them to talk to him.
I'd even made that suggestion to my brothers on multiple occasions, but they seemed to have a switch that flipped directly to "self-destruction in progress" any time there was a woman involved.
Now, in my current predicament, I wanted to go back in time and smack some sense into past me. Granted, my situation was a little different than the complaints that my friends had made about him not wanting to spend time with them. Or him ignoring them for his video games. Or him acting differently in front of his friends.
It wasn't like I could just approach J.J. and say, "Hey, let's talk about that marriage thing you brought up before."
Because that wouldn't be weird or uncomfortable for anyone. Least of all me.
I knew that worrying about this would do me no good, but I was still waiting for Cam and Sierra to tell me what they'd come up with for health insurance for me. Or if they could do it at all.
It was nerve-wracking, this waiting.
That was probably why I was seriously considering the proposal J.J. had given once but never mentioned again.
I knew when I parked in front of the McClanes' pretty white farmhouse on Sunday that I would have to ask Cam tomorrow at work. It was the only way I could decide what my next step should be.
Logically, I knew marriage was not my only option since I wanted to keep the baby. I could find a job with benefits, probably closer to the city, and do just fine. Though I'd have to put the baby in daycare and that would cost an arm and a leg.
There was also the fact that I'd have to move. Right now, I had no rent or mortgage payment, just taxes and insurance, which in our little part of the world, wasn't too expensive.
If I moved closer to the city, those prices would be astronomical.
And I wouldn't be close enough for my parents and siblings to help me out by babysitting or running errands if I was in a pinch. Two of my brothers had kids and I remembered how crazy the first year of their kids' lives were. I was going to need help. If I tried to do everything myself, I would explode.
All of these thoughts were still racing in my brain when I walked up the front steps. The first person I saw was Cam because she opened the door and met me on the porch.
"Hey, Lee. Um, can I talk to you for a second before we go inside?" she asked.
I nodded. The heat in September was still intense, but the shade of the porch helped some. I ignored the sweat that popped out on my forehead as we shifted toward the swing on the front porch. Cam sat but I shook my head when she gestured for me to join her.