the joke, but it fell flat even to my ears.
“Speaking of fiancés…”
“What about ‘em?” I fell backward onto my bed.
“Don’t play coy with me. Who was the guy in the photo?”
I exhaled and then dove into the story, telling her everything. After, I buried my face into the pillow with the phone on speaker, waiting for her to tell me to stop being such a baby—that it was just a week, that this was nothing but a blip in my twenty-four years.
But she didn’t say that.
“Victoria Renee McLaughlin.”
“Ugh, can you not?”
“Tori,” Hollis said. “You’ve gone and fallen in love.”
“Shut up. I have not.”
“I didn’t think you had it in you.”
I punched a pillow. “I don’t have it in me. My heart is made of ice and my soul is black.”
“Shut up. I can’t believe it.” Hollis sounded like she was talking about an adorable puppy or something. “You love him.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
I punched the pillow again. “It’s been a week.”
“So what? You’ve spent every single day and night together. That’s got to be like the equivalent of fifteen dates or something.”
“I think you’re exaggerating a bit.”
“And I think you’re in denial. Tori, oh my gosh. I’m so happy for you!”
“Ugh. Why? I’m miserable.” I rolled to my back and pulled the pillow over my face.
“That’s how it’s supposed to feel, especially when you don’t want it.”
“I’m supposed to be miserable? Why would anyone want to fall in love then?”
“It’s only miserable at first. But it gets better. And better. Look at your parents.”
I wanted to tell her about my parents—the truth of it all. But I didn’t think I had the emotional bandwidth to do that tonight. “I’m just confused. It’s like we switched places. He was all-in, in the beginning. And I was the scared one—I was the one who pushed him away. Now, I’m the one in my stupid feelings and he… well, I don’t know where the fuck he’s at.”
“It sounds like you both had a lot to deal with tonight. Maybe cut him a little bit of slack. If he has treated you as great as it sounds, I can’t imagine that anything his drunk friend said was true. Without context, you don’t know the whole story.”
That was true. But it had hurt doubly when Naomi had essentially told me to butt out, as if she was backing up Vince’s opinion. Which made me second-guess everything and wonder if maybe Vince was right. I had been the tagalong, but I had treated my position as if I was already part of the group.
“Are you going to bring him home?” Hollis asked.
“What? No. I don’t even know if we will see each other after this.” Part of me wanted to run away and not go to the funeral tomorrow. I had my car; I could leave anytime I wanted. But whatever complications Liam and I were dealing with, I knew deep in my heart that I didn’t want him to face that alone.
“Tori, you are a brilliant woman—”
“Uh oh,” I interrupted, knowing what was coming.
“But if you can’t rub a few brain cells together long enough to talk to this man and figure things out, then you are dumber than a bag of rocks.”
“Hey,” I said, pretending that hurt me.
“I’m serious. This guy likes you. He brought you around the people closest to him. You don’t do that unless you see potential in someone. I bet he sees a hell of a lot of potential in you.”
I saw potential in him too. The ease in which I fit into his life was not lost on me. “It’s just bad timing,” I argued. “I can’t talk to him about feelings and futures at the funeral for his best friend.”
“Says who? Is there a rulebook I’m not familiar with?”
I sighed. “It doesn’t seem appropriate? I don’t know.”
“Since when have you ever cared about being appropriate?” She paused. “Oh man, you do have it bad for Liam.”
“Shut your mouth,” I said, but she was absolutely correct. “I don’t want to change who I am for him.”
“Has he asked you to?”
“No.”
“Then don’t.”
I sighed. “I can already feel myself changing, though.”
“You’re softening. It’s a good thing. Embrace it. And tell that man you have feelings.”
“I’ll try,” I said, terrified out of my fucking mind at the prospect. “I’m going to let you go. I’ve got a few more calls to make.”
“Let me know how it goes with him,” she said before we said our goodbyes.
Next on the list: my mom.
I