One and Done - S. Briones Lim Page 0,69

if I saw you again I’d revert back to the boy I was in Bethel Falls. Every time I spoke to you over the phone I felt the same rush I did whenever we were together. I had no idea what would happen if I actually saw you in person and that’s why I stopped calling you and answering your calls.”

“It can’t be possible,” she whispered.

“What was that?” My eyes peeled open. I stared at Rocky, praying that she had figured me out. I wanted to come right out and say it. I wanted to say I love you and I always have, but something was stopping me.

Fear?

Maybe.

Possibly the knowledge that even as a business owner and even as a grown man I did not measure up to what she deserved…

Or possibly that she feels the same way and I’d be willing to leave everything in Charleston for a shit life in Bethel Falls.

“Never mind,” she replied quickly.

I blinked in both disappointment and relief, feeling a heavy rush of air escape my lungs. Frowning, I watched her eyes brighten excitedly.

Gazing at me shyly, she remarked, “I don’t think the rush you felt had anything to do with being bad.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I do, because…” She shook her head and changed the subject, leaving me with whiplash. “If you were planning on hiring a nurse for your mother all along, why even come back for so long? Better yet, why did you take a job with us? Unless you’re uncomfortable.” Even I wasn’t dense enough not to catch the sarcastic venom dripping from her tone.

“My dad told me that to be a better man you sometimes have to do things you don’t want to.

As much as it pained me to face my mom again, I knew I had to do it. I also thought that because more than enough time had passed, past triggers wouldn’t affect me as much. I’d grown enough as a man to be able to stand my ground and remain the person I became. I was finally brave enough to face my fears.”

Who was I kidding? I was still afraid of one thing and I was looking right at her.

“Okay…” She shook her head in doubt.

I peeled away the final protective layer. It was both therapeutic and painful. “That included seeing you, of course. I wanted to see you so much but how could I? Like you said, I cut you off completely. Why would you even want to see me again? I couldn’t help but go over the same questions in my mind, over and over again. Would you be angry? Would you want to see me? Would you remember me?”

“Of course I’d remember you, dummy.”

I had to chuckle at that. “Yeah, right. Either way I knew I needed to stop being a pussy and be what I kept convincing myself I was—a man. I needed to see you but I wasn’t sure how to approach it. Then as luck would have it I ran into your dad at the pharmacy. He did a double take of course and had the reaction I expected.”

“Shit.”

Same old Rocky, still deathly afraid that I cared whether or not her parents liked me. Sure, it’d be nice if they did, but the most important person I cared about was sitting right across from me. “But then I explained to him why I was in town. I told him how much I changed and…”

“And what?”

“He asked if I needed a job. I guess he felt sorry enough for me to lift that ban he had against me seeing his daughter, right?”

“But you didn’t need a job. You had one here.”

Come on, Rocky. Throw me a bone here. Don’t you see what I’m trying to tell you?

“But I needed to see you. Let me rephrase that—I needed an excuse so you’d have to see me.”

“So why did you ignore me for the first few days you were there? Why did you act like I was some sort of pariah?”

Years ago I wouldn’t be able to answer that question honestly. I would have been afraid to chip away at the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ persona that I had worked so hard to maintain. It was the only way to stop myself from being picked on or bullied. As an adult I realized that same persona was the reason why I missed out on so many things.

I rubbed my hands down my face and took an exasperated breath. “Like I said, I was