to part company without asking when they might see each other again, or making plans for the next day, made her feel more in control of her own destiny.
But it didn’t stop her from looking forward to seeing him whenever she could. And it didn’t stop her from getting angry every time she saw those needle marks in his leg.
After the confession, things changed between them. Matt withdrew somewhat, as if he regretted telling her about his half brother—which actually comforted her. He’d slipped up, trusted her with more than he should have and now he regretted it.
But when he made love to her, things had changed there, too. He was quieter than before. He saw to her pleasure, seemed to enjoy himself, but some of the abandon was gone, and Liv wasn’t certain what—if anything—to do about it.
* * *
MATT HADN’T EXPECTED the house to feel so empty after Willa picked up Craig five days after her I-got-the-job email. He missed the kid, but it’d been easy to see how happy Craig was to be reunited with his mom—even if he was going to have to continue fighting the Crag/Craig battle. Maybe someday when Matt went to visit—as he’d promised he would—he’d have a serious talk with Willa. None of his business, and he didn’t want to hurt his cousin’s feelings, but, really? Crag?
The only truly positive aspect of Craig leaving was that Matt and Liv had a safe place to rendezvous. And rendezvous they did—which only served to convince Matt that he sucked at no-strings.
He’d never had a problem with strings—as long as he found a woman he wanted to be tied to. If he didn’t find her, he was quite happy exploring, but once he did, he was the settling kind. Ironically, Liv was not and she showed no signs of weakening her resolve. It was killing him in a way. And she was concerned about someone controlling her.
She also had a major problem with his knee treatment. They hadn’t talked about it in the days since he’d told her about Ryan, but it still bothered her and he wondered if that was a huge part of the unspoken problem between them. Maybe if she just watched him go through his paces, it might reassure her that he wasn’t numbing the pain so he could bend the joint backward or anything. She could see he avoided lateral movements and that the brace did most of the work supporting the joint; then maybe she’d see that the injections merely helped him get through this rough patch and allowed him to train.
With that in mind, he approached the subject as she left his place after eating dinner with him.
“I thought you might come watch me rope,” he said as he walked her out onto the porch.
“I don’t think so.” And before he could say anything, she added, “You know why.”
“The why is the reason I want you to watch. What I’m doing is the same thing I’ve always done. I wear the brace, the knee is protected. I’m not destroying myself.”
“Then why does your knee have to be numbed?”
“Because it makes practice easier. And it’s not totally numbed. I can still feel and it still hurts like a son of a bitch sometimes.”
“Pain is nature’s way of saying stop. You’re too stubborn to get the message.”
“Liv...” He put his hands on her shoulders and felt her muscles tense. “Walk over to the arena when you’re done with practice. Just watch. Once.”
She opened her mouth, then thought better of whatever she’d been about to say. Instead, she swallowed and made an obvious effort to relax. He kept his hands right where they were, drawing strength, which was an irony, since he needed the strength to hold his own against her resistance to letting their lives mesh any further than they already were.
Liv was on a journey. Would he be left along the road at some point?
He had a strong feeling that was part of her master plan. After Trena he’d pretty well sworn never again, but here he was, with a woman who responded to him passionately when they made love, but refused to let the relationship move past friendship. And he didn’t even have the satisfaction of getting to beat the shit out of the guy who’d given her the wakeup call. In his opinion, she was going overboard, but it was the only way she felt secure and it was hard to argue with that.
“Forget I said anything,”