to this point I’d been so determined to avoid? And now that I’d strayed so near to disaster, the path away from it would inevitably bring more pain than relief—the pain of turning away from something you want so desperately that you’re tempted to risk reason and peace for it.
I pulled away from Damien’s embrace, from the arms that both warmed and betrayed me.
“Krista, where are you going?” he asked, his hand catching mine.
“To my room.” I looked straight into his eyes, mine blurred with tears and apology, and pulled away from him.
My mom came toward me, catching my arm. “What about Victoria?”
I looked away from Damien, trying to make sense of her words. Victoria? “Oh. I don’t care.” I tried to pull away, but her fingers dug like claws into my arm. “Let go. Stay away from me. All of you.”
I was on the point of panic when Damien pulled her hand free. He didn’t say a word, just nodded for me to go.
For a moment longer, I stared at him with regret. Why couldn’t he make this easier for me by arguing or getting angry or asking what was wrong? But, no. He knew. He understood. And that was why I had to run away.
Needing someone led to desperation and grief and breaking. And constantly searching for something else to make you whole again.
I thought I would be safe once I made it to my room and shut the door.
I wasn’t.
Being alone just proved that I wasn’t the same anymore. I didn’t relax or feel safer shut away. I just felt an incredible tugging to be near him again.
The tears that had been blinding me finally broke free, coursing down my cheeks, searing me with their heat.
I loved him. It was too late. He’d become so entwined with my own soul that I’d never be okay without him again.
But how could I let him be with someone like me? Someone who didn’t even know how to love?
And after walking away from him this time, maybe he wouldn’t even want to be.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next morning, I came downstairs ready for work and stopped by the kitchen to make a cup of tea to settle my stomach. My chamomile tea was still waiting for me there on the counter, cold and bitter.
Even better, Victoria was passed out on my futon.
I left them both to deal with later.
When I got to the office, I settled in at my desk and got started with my daily task of sorting through Tessa’s emails, clearing out all the spam and tagging the ones that looked important. Really, I was super proud of myself.
Even after a long bout of silent, choked crying and restless sleep, I was coping amazingly well with disaster, even if I felt like an empty tomb inside.
Tessa came up to my desk, a friendly smile on her face. “Well, today’s the day, right?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
She leaned closer over the counter to whisper. “Damien’s coming in for our little breakup scene, right?”
My eyes widened. Devastation rolled through me. After running away from him the night before, there was no way he’d still be willing to help me. I deserved that, and truly, I wasn’t ready to face him again. I was too vulnerable from all my self-realizations.
But Tessa didn’t deserve that.
Somehow, I had to make this happen.
I crossed my fingers under the desk where Tessa wouldn’t see and said, “He’ll be here. We talked about it last night. Don’t worry.”
“Can you send him a text just in case? Logan wants me to come out to Chicago to cheer him on in a marathon he’s running and meet someone he thinks will be a perfect as our new marketing director. I’m flying out tomorrow and won’t be back until Wednesday.”
“That’s a long time just to interview one person.”
She winked. “Yeah, well, hopefully it will take a while to convince him to take the job.” She laughed and walked back to her new office, which was now set up just the way she wanted it, if a little bit messy still.
When she was gone, I stared at my phone with a sinking sensation in my gut. I didn’t know if I was more worried about being deservedly rejected or about the blow to my pride in asking for help after the way I’d reacted last night.
I didn’t need his help. Tessa did. I was just the messenger. I could do this.
With a deep, steadying breath, I sent the text.
Can you still come help Tessa