cover her back up. She murmurs something inaudible in her sleep, and I force myself to walk away even when everything inside me is screaming to go back there.
This is something I put myself through almost every night. Loving Dove is my greatest weakness, but I won’t give it up… I can’t. No matter what I do, no matter how many people I kill, she will always be mine. The devil already owns too much of my soul for me to allow myself to let her go.
The love I have for her is the only good thing left in my life, the only thing pure, and that’s why I won’t ever take from her. I won’t ever hurt her because if I ever do, then there would be no light left in me, and the darkness would swallow me whole.
Without a sound, I leave her apartment and walk back out to my car. Each step is heavier than the last. When will I stop putting us both through this pain? Never.
Maybe I would have an easier life if she wasn’t in it. If I would just let her go and stop watching her. But I will never stop because Dove deserves a happy life. She needs to be safe, and someone needs to protect her from the monster who lurks in the dark.
And who is better to protect her from them than one of them?
3
No matter what I do. I can’t shake the strange feeling that I’m being watched, it’s been like this for years. Going to the grocery store, on the drive to work, even in my apartment. It always feels like there are eyes on me, but every time I look up, there’s nothing there. No one is watching, at least not that I can see. I do my best to brush off the feelings, but it’s a lot harder than you’d think.
I’m pretty sure no one is actually watching me. I mean, why would someone do that? I’m no one. It makes more sense that I’ve imagined all of this, especially after the incident with the creeper the other night.
This is my body’s way of staying guarded after having a shitty childhood. At least that’s what the therapist tells me. I keep thinking about stopping seeing her because I’m tired of being reminded of the past. I don’t care to remember my time in foster care, and I honestly don’t understand why I keep finding myself going to the appointments.
Stopping by my favorite coffee place on the corner, I order an iced coffee hoping the caffeine will make me feel better. By the time I get to the shelter, I’ve downed the large cup and feel no better. Except now, my bladder is screaming at me. I rush inside, heading straight for the bathroom.
Stupid coffee.
“Good morning,” Sasha greets me as I rush past her.
“Morning,” I call as I slip into the bathroom. Sighing, I empty my bladder and vow never to drink that much coffee that fast again. When I’m done, I wash my hands and walk back out into the receptionist area.
“Too much coffee?” Sasha giggles.
“You know it,” I admit. “I don’t know when I will ever learn.” I shake my head.
“We got two new surrenders this morning. One of them is a puppy,” Sasha tells me. “They only had the dog for three weeks, then realized they would have to actually spend time training the dog not to pee and poop in the house.”
“Ugh, why do people get dogs if they can’t take care of them? At least the puppy will be easy to adopt out.”
Making my first round through the shelter, I make sure all the animals have water and that their cages are clean. There isn’t much I can do for all these poor creatures, but at least I can make sure they’re taken care of while they’re here. Make sure they’re fed, warm, and get some human interaction.
Stopping at the last cage that holds the new puppy, I smile. It’s some kind of shepherd mix, but its breed doesn’t matter, not when it’s as cute as it is.
“Yeah, you definitely won’t last long, not with that face.” The pup is looking at me with big, brown eyes and a wagging tail. It isn’t unusual for me to talk to the animals. I don’t feel bad or weird about it. Not when the truth is, I’d rather talk to them than to another human.
“Did you see him?” Sasha coo’s when I head back