Now That I've Found You - Kristina Forest Page 0,41
says, attempting to steer him away. Is it just me, or does Milo look a little flustered by Raf’s question?
“No, no, wait.” Raf manages to avoid Milo’s hands. “I just want to say something.” He burps and then takes a deep breath. “What I want to say is that one day, Milo, you’re gonna be in the songwriting hall of fame. While I will be one of People magazine’s most beautiful people.” He looks at me. “Hey, Evie, maybe we’ll be in there together? Are you gonna be in a new movie soon?”
I force a smile and take a step back. “I should really go now.”
“You’re going?” Ben asks, suddenly appearing at my left. “Did you really like the set? Do you think we did okay?”
“Yeah, you really did.” Another step back.
“Hey, Evie,” Vinny shouts, appearing at my right. “I wanted to introduce you to my girlfriend, Michelle. She’s a big fan of your parents.”
A short girl with long black hair and round brown eyes is standing beside him. She leans forward and says very quietly, “I loved their documentary about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and I really loved you in Mind Games, but that’s all I’m going to say because I respect your privacy.”
“Thank you,” I say, shaking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You know what, fuck that A&R guy,” Raf says out of nowhere. “We don’t need him; we don’t need anybody! We only need each other. Right?”
The other boys laugh. “Right,” Milo says.
Raf smiles wide and full of joy. “Come on, group hug.” I edge away, but Raf says, “No, you too, Evie, or whatever it is you want us to call you in that wig.”
“Shut up,” Milo says, elbowing Raf in the side.
Milo shoots me an apologetic glance as I’m enveloped in a group hug with a boy band plus one girlfriend.
How did this happen? I only came here for house keys.
“I love y’all,” Raf says, getting teary-eyed. “I mean it, I do.”
Ben sighs. “Are you gonna start crying? Should I get Adrian?”
“No,” Raf says, sniffling. “He’ll know I’ve been drinking, and he’ll kick me out!”
I look around at their smiling faces, the genuine love they have for one another, and it suddenly all feels like too much. I had this once, but it wasn’t real. I’ll never be able to open myself up the same way again.
My face feels hot, and my eyes well up. I have to get out of here.
“Come on,” Milo says to me, grabbing my hand and leading me away from the group. His fingertips are calloused, I guess from all that guitar playing.
I wait until we’re outside in the clear before I pull my hand away. My palms are a little clammy.
“Are you okay?” Milo asks once we’re waiting for my ride. When I don’t answer, he sighs. “I’ll probably stay at my apartment tonight. But I’ll see you tomorrow morning to go to Esther’s. If you need me to come back tonight for any reason, just call me.”
I can take care of myself is on the tip of my tongue, but I suddenly feel so exhausted. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, facing forward.
The entire ride back to Manhattan, I can’t shake how unsettled I feel.
It was just a silly group hug, but it left me feeling so empty. And so, so sorry for myself.
Is that what friendship is like when the people involved truly love and care about one another?
Once I’m back in bed at Gigi’s, I go onto YouTube, fully intending to look up the viral Doves Have Pride video out of curiosity. But instead, I search for the video that I’ve banned myself from watching. The video loads and I see my flushed cheeks and the way I tightly hold on to the champagne bottle. I hear my wavering voice, the British accent and slurred speech. I hear Simone laugh in the background as she records.
Then I scroll through my phone, searching for the one video of us that I still have saved. We were at McKibben, standing backstage during our production of The Crucible sophomore year. I was Mary Warren and she was Ann Putnam. We couldn’t stop giggling at how we looked in our white bonnets. I listen closely, trying to determine if Simone’s laugh in this video is any different from her laugh in the video she recorded in May. But I can’t tell. Both times, we look and sound so happy.