will.”
He was silent so long she was sure he was going to refuse her, but then he lifted her hand to his mouth, pressed a kiss to her palm. “Then we’ll spend our last night together and say our goodbyes in the morning.”
They made love in his big bed with the brocade fabric panels down creating a cocoon for just the two of them. It was as if the rest of the world had fallen away and they were the only two who existed.
In the darkness Zale loved her slowly, holding back his own orgasm until he’d brought her to a climax, once and then again. Tonight there was a sweetness in their lovemaking, a poignancy in every kiss and caress. Closing her eyes, Hannah savored his hard body stretched over hers, his skin so warm and delicious to touch.
When she came a second time, her heart seemed to shatter along with her body and it was all she could do to hold back the tears, and keep him from feeling her pain. The pain was considerable.
She loved him, loved him, loved him and he’d never know it.
Tears burned beneath her lids and she shuddered in his arms, her body rippling with aftershocks even as her heart exploded with fresh pain.
Forgive me, Zale, she whispered silently, kissing his chest, just above where his heart would be.
Forgive me for not being who you needed me to be.
Zale couldn’t sleep even though his body was spent. His mind wouldn’t turn off. His thoughts raced. His chest ached.
Zale had always needed order. He did not do well with uncertainty. For him, ambivalence was akin to chaos. And chaos was a synonym for loss.
Loss of peace. Loss of focus. Loss of control.
And Zale needed control. He needed to be in control. Always. And the few times he wasn’t in control terrible things happened, things with a tragic outcome.
Stephen’s leukemia.
His parents’ crash.
Tinny’s seizures.
No, control was everything. Which is why he’d trained so hard in his sport. He knew that if he worked hard, relentlessly hard, he would be successful. He knew he had talent, but it was his commitment that drove him to the top. And it hadn’t been by chance. His success was the direct result of drive, discipline and sacrifice.
He had put in the work and was rewarded.
He’d made the necessary sacrifices and earned peace of mind.
It was basic. Straightforward. Black and white.
But with Emmeline it was different. With Emmeline his emotions were chaotic. Primitive.
He felt wild around her. Fierce. As if he was barely clinging to control. Lately he wanted to grab her by the hair and haul her caveman-style to his lair and keep her there just for him. Even now he longed to lock her up, secure her, take away all the uncertainty.
Maybe then he’d be comfortable.
Maybe.
Hannah suddenly sighed, and murmuring something unintelligible in her sleep, pressed herself closer to his side, snuggling against the warmth of his chest as if that was the only place to be.
And just like that, he felt a hot, wrenching pain. How could he love her? How could he—even now—want to hold her?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT TOOK Hannah just a moment after waking to realize she was alone. Stretching out a hand to the space near her the sheets were cool.
Zale had been gone for a while.
The realization sent her heart tumbling and she rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in her pillow. It was morning. Zale was gone. And she’d be leaving here now.
Sometime in the next half hour or hour, she’d pack her things and say her goodbyes.
The idea of saying goodbye to Zale, though, made her heartsick.
She loved him but would leave him.
How was this right? How was it fair?
And how would Zale say goodbye to her? Would he come to her room and say goodbye there? Or would he meet her at the door? Or would he refuse to see her, and say nothing at all?
Hannah’s heart contracted, her chest aching with the pressure and pain. But you can’t cry, she told herself. You must keep it together for Zale’s sake. You must stay calm until you ‘re gone.
And she would stay calm. She’d focus on the future, on returning to her life, her own life, the life of an ordinary twenty-five-year-old woman working to pay her bills, make her car payment and cover her rent.
She once liked being ordinary, and she’d always loved her independence and autonomy. She’d enjoyed working and then coming home at night to her apartment,