No Turning Back (Breaking the Rules #4) - A.M. Madden Page 0,28

my bomb. “They want a family and desperately tried to find someone to carry their child… with no luck.” Ryder swallowed audibly as I powered on. “Because of that, I decided to be their surrogate.”

Predictably, Ryder’s mouth flapped open in shock. “You’re going to have a baby?”

“I’m going to have their baby.”

“Isn’t it the same thing?” he asked, unconvinced. Something in his expression caused a chill to run through me. He wasn’t okay with this.

“It’s not the same thing. They are using an egg donor, not mine. I’m merely carrying it for them.” My argument sounded pathetic even to my own ears. The fact remained that I was going to carry another man’s baby. How could I expect him to understand? When he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, I still felt the need to at least try to clarify. “You know how I feel about having children of my own, and that hasn’t changed.” Not wanting children came from the childhood I’d had combined with losing my mother. Ryder had known this about me when we were together.

“Still, that’s a huge commitment, Ree.” The clench in his jaw, and raw emotion in those deep-blue eyes, scared me. Concerned my worry was warranted, I watched as he scrubbed a hand over his handsome face and sighed.

“I don’t expect you to be okay with this.”

“It’s not why you think.” It was my turn to stare in a state of confusion. “Do you remember my sister-in-law, Tammy?”

I nodded, not knowing where he was heading.

“What you don’t know is that she died, and so did my niece.”

My gasp was immediate. “Oh my God, Ryder. I’m so sorry.” I had no idea. Tammy and his brother, Bryce, were newly married when Ryder and I broke up. “When?”

“A year ago.”

“What happened?”

Ryder scrubbed a hand over his face. “Tammy had an aneurysm… died instantly. They delivered the baby, but…” I hated that look on his face. Before I could say he didn’t have to continue, he looked into my eyes and added, “It was too soon. Her lungs weren’t developed, and she died a day later in the hospital.” I felt sick. “The nursery was all done. They were just waiting for the time to welcome their daughter home. Understandably,” he continued, “it sent Bryce down a very dark path. He responded to no one, ignored my family’s attempt at getting him help. He has since gone into rehab and is finally in a better place, but watching it all and feeling so helpless affected me to the core.”

“I can’t imagine, Ryder.” Taking his hand in mine, I repeated, “I’m so sorry.”

He stared down at our physical connection before meeting my eye. “Ree, I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”

“Nothing could have prevented Tammy’s death, Ryder.” The lump in my throat made it almost impossible to respond, and I took a deep breath, forcing myself to say, “And nothing will happen to me. I’m under great care and will be during the entire pregnancy.”

“So was she, Ree. That means nothing.” As if it only now occurred to him, his gaze shot down to my belly. “Are you pregnant now?”

“I had the IVF procedure Monday.” For the second time, his mouth gaped as he withdrew his hand in shock.

“That’s why you couldn’t see me?”

Ignoring the hurt that worsened the lump, I then whispered, “And why I’d been so distant and guarded…”

My pause hadn’t prompted a response. While he sat bewildered, I knew this could be it for our reunion. Ryder had a very good reason to not accept my situation. I couldn’t fault him for wanting no part of my decision. Knowing the risk, I still needed to say what weighed heavy on my mind, to voice the words that could make or break us. What I really needed to know was where he stood with it before I became any more invested in him.

“When will you know?”

“Two weeks. I have a blood test scheduled.” He nodded. “Ryder, if it’s all too much for you to accept, and if you want to leave because of it… I understand.”

My words were met with silence.

Chapter Ten

Ryder

Did I want to leave?

No.

That didn’t mean that her news hadn’t stunned me just the same. Sure, it all made sense now. Her reluctance to open up, that edge of awkwardness she carried, and a false pretense to not want me as much as I wanted her. And that didn’t make me cocky in assuming she did. Her