No Commitment (Capital Kingsmen #1) - Lisa Suzanne Page 0,36
arch.
I clear my throat. I fidget some more. My heart races as I prep myself to tell the truth, and then I draw in a deep breath before I let the words out with my exhale. “I, um, didn’t start dating Ford until I was two months pregnant with Luna.”
The arched brows rise practically off her forehead. “You...you what?”
“She’s not Ford’s,” I whisper.
Her eyes widen. “She’s...”
“Tyler’s.” I press my lips together.
“Oh,” she says. She can’t seem to find the words as the shock of my secret wraps around her. “I didn’t...I thought she just came early.”
“That was what we agreed to tell everyone. We muddied the timeline a little.”
“But why? Why would you keep his own daughter from him?”
I lift a shoulder. “He was gone for so long. I didn’t know when I’d see him again, and I was scared. He never really seemed like he wanted kids, and I didn’t know if he had a place for a baby in his life.” I shake my head as I amend that last statement. “I knew he didn’t have a place for a baby. And there I was, alone in a place I moved to for another man who broke my heart. I couldn’t do it alone. I wasn’t strong enough, so I did what I thought I had to do to protect my daughter and to give her the kind of life she deserved.”
“But...” She trails off as she tries to come to terms with this new truth. “That’s just not how we raised you. We wanted you to be truthful and kind and bold and to stand up for what’s right. This is...it’s none of those things.”
There goes that whole theory about feeling better by confessing to my mom.
She holds a hand to her chest for a beat. “Oh, dear. What are you going to do?”
The teakettle starts whistling, startling us both. She stands to make our tea, and I get the feeling that not even tea can help solve this issue.
“I don’t know,” I whisper when she comes back with two cups of tea. She sets one of the steaming cups in front of me.
“He deserves to know. Luna deserves to know him, too.”
“But what about Ford? He loves that little girl like his own, Mom. You’ve seen how good he is to her. I can’t just take that away.” I wrap my hands around the hot cup of tea. It burns, but I can’t seem to pull my hands away. It’s a new, different sensation than the pain of the guilt, and I like the physical pain better than the emotional.
“I love Ford, honey. You know that. But one isn’t mutually exclusive to the other. Just because you tell Tyler the truth doesn’t mean Ford can’t be an amazing stepfather to Luna.”
“But what if I want to be with Tyler, too? Then where does that leave Ford?”
She looks surprised by my question, like she hadn’t even considered that possibility. I haven’t, either—not really. I haven’t wrapped my head around what that could mean...mostly because I have no idea how he’s going to react to the fact that she’s his if I do decide to tell him.
“Do you?” she asks.
“Want to be with Tyler?” I clarify, and she nods. I shrug. “I don’t know what I want.”
“That’s probably something you need to figure out. Your husband deserves that, but you also deserve to be happy, Danielle. Whether that’s with Ford or with Tyler.”
“I know,” I whisper. “On the one hand, Ford is a great husband and an amazing father. On the other...the feelings I have for Tyler are intense. Explosive.”
“You know all that fades over time, right?” she asks.
“That’s what I always thought, too. But when I saw him after two years, well, it hadn’t faded. It was just as intense as the last time, and that’s when I knew I was in real trouble.”
“And you don’t feel that way about Ford?” she asks.
No. Ford is safe. Ford is good and nice and kind and sweet. Tyler can be a stubborn asshole, and he fights dirty, and he drinks too much and travels too much and isn’t allowed to make his own decisions because his band owns him. But he also loves so hard, and he’s generous, and he talks to me—really talks about the things that matter in a way Ford doesn’t. In a way Nate never did.
I can’t help the way I feel.
I can’t help that my heart flutters for one man and not the other,