8.
Luckily, that laser instrument in sick bay was a real-life magic wand. Annalee would probably be fine in time for dinner.
“I have a dilemma,” I said immediately. We both knew I couldn’t stay long.
“What is it?” Frowning, Mareeka crossed her arms and half sat on the edge of her desk, the nebula framing her in brilliant color through the window.
“I have in my possession something that could be considered a weapon. It could potentially turn a good fighter into a great one, a nearly indestructible one.”
“Potentially?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not really sure what it would do to a person, short term or long term. Think…enhancer.”
Mareeka nodded, her expression turning contemplative and a little worried.
“My problem is this: do I turn it over to people who I think—hope—would use it to fight for things I would approve of, or do I destroy it, so that no one has it on either side?”
“Does the Dark Watch have this?”
I shook my head. “Not anymore. I don’t think so.” If they’d had more of the serum somewhere, I didn’t think they would have been quite that desperate to get their lab back. A potential problem, though, was how many goons they’d already enhanced.
“So, you would be giving the rebels something that could possibly help them to gain the upper hand?”
Upper hand seemed like a bit of a stretch, but I nodded anyway. And it appeared we wouldn’t be talking in euphemisms tonight. “But like I said, I don’t know what it would do to a person. It could corrupt them—physically, mentally… I don’t know.”
“Do you believe the rebel leaders would impose this enhancer on their fighters?”
I shrugged. That was essentially my problem. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’d take issue with people deciding to try it on their own, but I would have a hard time living with knowing I’d provided something that got forced on anyone.” And the rebel leaders were just as capable of fanaticism as anyone else. I didn’t personally believe that the end justified any means. I wanted the same thing they did—the fall of the Overseer’s imperial regime—but a pendulum that swung too hard one way could also swing too hard in the other direction. I wanted no part of that.
“Could you control the distribution?” she asked.
“If I take it to the leaders, they’ll confiscate it. It’s what I’d planned on doing, but now…I just have these doubts.” I grimaced. “I’m not sure what to do.”
“You have a good head on your shoulders and don’t take unnecessary risks—with yourself, or with others.” Mareeka’s blue eyes were steady on mine. “Do you believe this is a necessary risk?”
I wasn’t sure what constituted necessary or unnecessary, but I thought Mareeka was probably giving me too much credit. I could think of a few risks I regretted deeply. One had sent Gabe and me running in opposite directions. Another had gotten me a lab full of super soldier serum and an enormous price on my head. The latest had landed me in Shade Ganavan’s bed.
I ignored the sudden, sharp twist in my chest and thought about what she’d said. Do you believe this is a necessary risk?
That was it; I couldn’t decide. I’d given my blood to the kids here because I knew it was pure, undiluted with anything that could hurt them. I was healthy, and contrary to what my father and his lab technicians had constantly made me believe, I wasn’t a freak of nature, or anything truly alien. I was only slightly different. The enhancer, though, was a possibly dangerous piece of chemical engineering made to stick to and mess with a person’s insides. Maybe the result would be good, fine. Maybe it wouldn’t.
“I believe we’re losing this fight,” I answered. “I believe this could make a difference.”
“And what else do you believe?” she asked, clearly sensing there was something I wasn’t saying.
I hesitated and then coughed up the other fear that was making this a very hard decision. “That suddenly not losing could cause years of unparalleled bloodshed.”
Mareeka uncrossed her arms, stood, and stepped toward me. “What about winning?”
I scrubbed my hands over my face, wishing I could wipe away the perpetually icky feeling I had about the serum. “I’m not sure winning is possible, even with this enhancer.”
She put her hands on my shoulders and squeezed. “I’ve never told you what to do, Tess. You were always much too grown-up for that, even at eight years old.”
“I know, but…what would you do?” I asked. “I’d like