in Scotland. Dreich, he’d called it. There was a story about a little girl who sold matches, and the last picture showed her lying in the snow. Her eyes were closed, but she was smiling and the artist had drawn faint blue shadows at the corners of her mouth. Was this chill what she’d experienced?
He grits his teeth. Beyond the shallows of the sandbank, the water is murky. Something stirs in it, and he hesitates. On the opposite bank, Yi is signing frantically. No no no! But Ren is bigger and stronger now than when they were parted. He looks at the river with the confidence of an eleven-year-old and is sure he can make it.
Now the water is up to his waist, swirling and eddying darkly. It tugs hard. The chill is almost unbearable, eating through his spine and sucking all the heat out of his body.
Yi is kneeling on the other bank. His face is contorted, tears stream down as he gesticulates wildly. STOP!
Ren wants to tell him not to cry; he’ll be there soon. But his teeth are chattering so much that he can’t form the words. With a final rush of courage, Ren plunges his head under the icy black water.
22
Ipoh
Monday, June 15th
Morning. I stared at the ceiling again—this time the familiar one at Mrs. Tham’s house. Sitting up, I fumbled for the ring Shin had given me, still knotted in a handkerchief. I wondered what she looked like, this girl whose finger was a different size from mine. The soft metal and rich color indicated it was twenty-four-karat gold. My mother always told me to make sure to get twenty-four-karat jewelry, not eighteen or some other inferior number.
“Because you can pawn it,” she’d said matter-of-factly. “You get a better deal.”
Of course, she must have had some experience with pawnshops after my father died. In my brief time working at the May Flower, men had given me gifts: silver pendants, thin bracelets. I’d been reluctant to accept anything, but the other girls said I was foolish to turn down one of the few perks of the job. My mother had been right, however. None of those trinkets was worth anything at the pawnshop, though I’d tried a couple of times, thinking to reduce her debt faster. I wondered how much money Shin had spent. He was always the one who ended things with girls, not wanting to commit. As far as I knew, he’d never given anyone a gift like this.
* * *
Yesterday after Matron had left us, I’d tried to return it to Shin with a smile, saying, “You should keep this safe for your girlfriend.” That was nice and friendly and just what I might have said to him a few years ago.
“Hang on to it,” he said. “It’ll look suspicious if you give it back after telling everyone we’re engaged.”
That was when I ought to have followed up and asked what his girlfriend was like and when he was bringing her back home, but somehow, I couldn’t. If you’d told me a month ago that I’d feel so awkward and sad about my stepbrother getting married, I’d have laughed it off, but now there was only a strange loneliness. It was like losing him all over again, like when he’d decided to shut me out. But there was a difference: it wasn’t simply that Shin was being friendly, as though whatever had troubled him before was now resolved. He’d become more reliable, more grown-up. More attractive.
There. I’d said it.
Well, Shin had always been attractive, just not to me. Or perhaps I’d willfully looked the other way. I tried my best to conjure up Ming’s long, gentle face, the stubborn cowlick on the back of his head, but it was useless. The infatuation that had sustained me for so many years had faded, leaving a vague sense of confusion and guilt.
So instead, I made up some excuse about getting back to Ipoh right away. I still hadn’t seen Pei Ling’s parcel, but by then we were standing in front of the hospital where Matron had left us, in full view of passersby. Best for Shin to keep it safe and unopened at the hospital and return it to Pei Ling when she recovered from her fall.
When I got on the train, I took off the ring and wrapped it in my handkerchief. It didn’t seem right to wear it since it wasn’t mine. I tucked the handkerchief into my rattan basket and felt the