Her eyes open and she blinks at him. ‘But …? But what, George?’
‘You seem so unhappy,’ he says, his voice breaking. ‘I can’t bear it and I don’t know how to put it right.’
‘I’m tired, that’s all, just tired. I’m going to take a nap now, if that’s okay?’ He casts his eyes down. ‘So that I can enjoy the evening. I don’t want to fall asleep in my Michelin-starred starter.’ She attempts a feeble laugh.
‘Whatever you want, it’s fine. We’ll just chill,’ he says accepting defeat – for now at least, she thinks. He unzips his overnight case and takes out his shirt, flapping out the creases before putting it on a hanger. Then he takes his toilet bag into the shower room and closes the door behind him.
Amber waits until she hears the shower going, then sits up and makes a call on her phone.
‘Hi,’ says Seth. ‘Where are you?’
‘In the hotel room,’ she whispers. ‘He’s taking a shower – I haven’t got long.’
‘How’s it going?’
‘Really badly. I don’t think I can do this.’
‘Yes you can. Try to relax. Enjoy the break.’
‘But it feels so false. All this lying and pretending, I hate it, it’s sending me mad.’
‘I’m so sorry, darling. I wish I could help.’
‘You do help. All the time. If I couldn’t speak to you, I don’t know what I’d do.’ The sound of the shower stops and she glances anxiously at the door. ‘He got cross with me for texting Ruby, tried to take my phone off me. I was terrified he’d find our texts.’
‘You should delete them.’
‘I know, but sometimes I forget … Oh, this is awful. He’s being so sweet and understanding, you wouldn’t believe it. I know it’s only because he wants sex, but it makes me feel so guilty.’
There’s a short pause. ‘Surely he’ll respect you if you say no.’
‘Yes, of course, he won’t force me … it’s not that.’
‘What is it, then?’
The door of the en suite opens and George emerges, naked but for a towel around his waist. Amber quickly switches tone. ‘Yeah, thanks for calling. Sorry, got to go now. Stay in touch.’ She puts down the phone, turns to her husband and heaves a theatrical sigh. ‘Huh! So much for my nap – couldn’t get rid of her.’
‘Who was it?’ he asks, removing the towel and drying himself all over.
‘Oh, just Polly. Wanting to know why I haven’t been to any mums’ meet-ups recently.’
He stands naked before her, his skin glistening, smelling of expensive products. She senses a tingling deep within her, in a place she can’t reach, a feeling so unfamiliar she no longer recognises it as desire.
‘And?’ he says.
‘And what?’
‘Why haven’t you been? To the meet-ups.’
Amber feels her cheeks turning pink. ‘It’s boring,’ she says as he approaches. ‘All they ever talk about is babies.’
‘Even so … better than being on your own all day.’
‘I guess.’ She brightens her face. ‘Shall we go downstairs and have afternoon tea? I suppose I could manage a little bit of cake.’
Chapter Six
The weekend before
Ruby is worn out, even though she’s only been looking after Mabel for seven hours and the little darling was asleep for two of them. They’ve done tummy time (which Mabel hated) and sitting-up practice. They’ve lain on their backs on the play mat and fully explored the Sea World Activity Gym – rattling the octopus’s tentacles, squeezing the squeaky puffer fish and tinkling the tails of the seahorses. She’s sung ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’ – altering ‘little boy’ to ‘little girl’ for the sake of gender equality – a million times over and made up scurrilous new verses to ‘Wheels on the Bus’. She’s pulled funny faces and made silly noises until her head aches, and yet still Mabel seems dissatisfied. She wants more attention, more giggles, more entertainment, more FUN. When Ruby puts her in her bouncing chair while she opens a much-needed bottle of beer, Mabel snarls and kicks her fat little legs in protest.
‘Jesus, kid, give me a break.’ She leans against the kitchen counter as she swigs back the cool lager. Is this what it’s like all the time? If so, no wonder Amber’s at breaking point. Feeling sympathetic towards her sister – rather than slightly envious – is an unfamiliar sensation.
The six-year age gap between them has always made it difficult for them to connect. Growing up, they were at very different – and sometimes incompatible – stages of their lives. To begin with,