Becca.”
“Screw real life.”
“I’m sorry, Becca.” He stood and went to her. He leaned over to kiss her head. He lingered a moment, and all she wanted to do was grab him and kiss him back. But she couldn’t do that now. She just stared at her shoes and listened to his footsteps until they were gone.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Becca asked Dana, staring up at the ceiling from her bed. She’d been counting the embossed fleurs-de-lis there, but Max had been in her head the whole time. It was April. There was only a month left of school. And she’d been flying solo for months now. No Max, no Johnny. No Johnny at all.
It’s not that she’d been floundering. Being single had provided her with the chance to flirt with and be chased after by everyone else. But that wasn’t what she wanted. And now, with this, she wanted that boy more than ever.
“Of course,” said Dana, putting down her book. “You can tell me anything.”
“I…” Becca was losing her nerve.
“I won’t tell anyone.”
“Well…I haven’t even told Max.” Or Johnny. She took a deep breath. “I’m…I’m pregnant.”
The room fell silent as the news sank into both of them.
“You—what? How do you know?”
“I went into town last weekend. I stopped at the drugstore. I…I just found out.”
She hung her head. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks and head.
“Are you serious? Are you…are you sure?”
“Yes, Dana, God! Am I serious? No I’m not fucking kidding. It’s not funny.”
“You haven’t told Max? Don’t you think he has a right to know?”
Becca shook her head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now anyway. It would only make things harder.”
“I don’t know, Becca....”
“Look, just forget it.”
Dana nodded, and studied the end of her bed intently.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I SPENT THE NEXT FEW WEEKS MOSTLY ALONE. I went to classes. I painted. I called my parents and told them the bare minimum of what was going on. I pulled away from Max and everyone else I knew. Blake still sat down with me every time she saw that I was alone in the dining hall or wherever, but at this point all I was doing was counting down the days until graduation. The one final social thing I had left to do was go to Blake’s birthday party. I’d promised her I would, and had decided that just maybe it would cheer me up.
Blake’s mom had paid for a school bus to take us from Manderley to Eastgate. Blake was wearing a dress and a flashing crown that blinked the number eighteen. She was standing by the door to the bus with Cam, getting hugs, birthday wishes and sometimes presents from everyone passing by her.
“Happy birthday, Blake—I’m sorry I didn’t have time to get you a present or anything.”
“Are you kidding? I don’t expect anything from anyone! I’m just glad you came. Is… Do you know if Max is coming?”
I was growing a bit practiced at answering questions like this. “I haven’t talked to him.”
She looked pityingly at me.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I want to have fun tonight.”
I might as well. What did I have to lose? Next year I’d have another fresh start. I’d be back with my friends at FSU. Or I’d have a fresh start at BU.
I took a seat on the bus, and a few minutes later I heard Blake squeal outside, and looked out to see Johnny picking her up and wishing her happy birthday. “You’re finally a grown-up like the rest of us.” He laughed. Their voices were muffled, but they were right beneath my window.
“Oh, I’ve been more grown-up than you guys for years.”
“That’s probably true. We’ll have fun tonight.” He kissed her on the cheek, and then pounded fists with Cam. The three guys with him said happy birthday and got on the bus.
I brushed the hair from my eyes and looked fixedly out the window. I couldn’t help but glance back just in time for Johnny to notice me. He cocked his head with concern, and I felt grateful he was there.
“You doin’ okay?” he asked when he got to my seat. He let his friends go ahead of him and take their seats.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Johnny, dude, come see what that chick from back home just texted me.” Ricky was snickering in the back and calling him.
“Do you want me to sit up here?”
“No, no, of course not. Go. I’ll see you in, like, a block.”
“Okay. I’ll be your chaperone tonight, ’kay?” He winked and