mom about those college guys,” I say one night at our box house when Shelby seems too worried. “Violet sees you as her mom in a way.”
Shelby gets the message. She offers to take Violet to a therapist. When that gets shot down, Shelby suggests having someone come to the house instead. Violet goes through the motions for a few visits, but she doesn’t tell the woman anything important.
“I didn’t drown,” Violet explains to Shelby after asking to stop the visits. “I survived. I don’t need to worry about the details.”
Shelby doesn’t like that answer, but she understands it. Winnie ain’t getting fixed with therapy, and forcing shit doesn’t work. Violet might act like a kid sometimes, but she’s a grown woman. If she doesn’t want the visits, then we ain’t making her sit through them.
“You’re going to be a great dad,” Shelby says one night after I explain my thinking about how Violet needs to be free for a while before she can look back at when she was locked up. “You understand things that I don’t. We’ll teamwork the shit out of parenthood.”
I doubt Shelby knows how much I needed to hear that, but I’m getting nervous as fuck as her due date approaches. While I was impatient to meet my little girl, now I’m afraid to fail at being her dad. It’s gonna kill me if I’m the weak link in our family.
“All kids think shit about their parents,” Shane says one day when I mention it at the Saloon. “You’ve met mine. They’re great, right? My dad rarely lost his temper, and Shelby could be insane at times. I was stubborn and only learned once I failed at something. He still keeps his cool. My mom thinks I’m perfect. She praises me when I suck. Even though they were great, I still thought ugly shit about them. Thought I was smarter and tougher. Got mad about my mom being messed up. Got pissed that my dad told me no. That’s what people do while growing up. Teenagers are awful because they’re not kids or adults. They’re kids who think they’re adults.”
Hugh gives me a head nod. I know he doesn’t like his parents. If he and Shane agree, they must be right.
“One day, Kirby is going to look you right in the eye,” Hugh says, holding my gaze, “and she’s going to say something mean as fuck. She doesn’t love you. She hates you. She thinks you’re shit. You failed as a father. She wishes she was never born. She wishes you were never born. Whatever bullshit she comes up with isn’t anything new. But then she’ll get over it. I didn’t hold a grudge, and my parents never loved me unconditionally. You’re not going to hold back that way with your girl. I bet you’ll spoil her rotten. But no matter how great a dad you are, she’ll eventually give you grief. If she doesn’t, then you ought to worry.”
“I probably will spoil her,” I admit. “I acted like a dick toward Shelby plenty when we started up together. These days, I want her to have everything. Can’t imagine I’ll be any different with a tiny Shelby.”
Shane’s expression does something to me. I’m around fifteen years older than him, but his approval means a lot. He didn’t welcome me easily. I saw him struggle to be okay with me fucking his sister, let alone making a life with her. He wants Shelby to have everything too. Seeing him accept that his sister picked a good one makes me proud in a way few things do.
His dad lets me in a lot easier. One day while Dylan and I fish in a Shasta pond, he explains how he worried Shelby would never find someone.
“Well, I used to think she and River would make something happen. Figured he was the only one to get her to overlook her man-stink problem. Then when he found Max, I assumed Shelby would be a spinster,” he says, chuckling before adding, “Don’t tell her I said that.”
“Well, for whatever reason, she likes my stink.”
“It’s because she belongs to you,” Dylan says right away as if he just knows it’s true. “When you own a woman’s heart, she’ll put up with all kinds of shit to keep you. Don’t think Winnie doesn’t do the same for me.”
I smile at the thought of Shelby and me living a long life together. The future looks real damn good from where I’m sitting.