“You made a difference in their lives. For you, though, it was just another day. That’s how it works sometimes.”
Taking me to a corner of the fenced backyard while her little dogs follow us, she lowers her voice. “When Kirk Johansson found my mom, he wasn’t looking to save anyone. He busted into that place to kill a group of bikers threatening his club. It was business. I bet Kirk didn’t feel like a hero taking my mom out of that box and giving her to a family in the club. His intentions that day don’t change how he saved her. Just like how you saved Lineke, Max, and Maude. You didn’t ride in on a white horse any more than Kirk did. But in their minds, you might as well have.”
“I don’t like them looking at me that way.”
“Because you think you have to do something now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. What do they want from me?”
“Nothing. They just respect what you did, and they know I’m crazy about you. You have value, but that doesn’t mean you need to do anything except be you.”
“Sure.”
Shelby snickers at my expression. “I think you’re so accustomed to people fucking with you that you can’t imagine anyone not fucking with you. I see your face, and you seem pissed when someone treats you well.”
“Why is that funny?”
“Because nothing you do will keep this group from sucking you into our vortex of love. You can fight it, but we’ll win. You will be valued, Dean. We’re not blind like the fuckers in your past. We see all.”
I grudgingly smile at her expression. “I don’t know.”
“That’s okay. I don’t know lots of shit. My friends and family love me anyway.”
My large fingers look wrong against her delicate skin, but I caress her cheek anyway. It don’t feel right being with this woman sometimes. She’s too beautiful to be fucking me in a trailer in the woods. I must look like a monster next to a pretty princess. Is that what people think when they look at us?
I scan the yard. Shane leans forward, following his son as the boy points at stuff and babbles. Ramona sits on the back porch, holding her baby and talking with Desi, who sits on the ground with her dog. No one is paying any attention to Shelby and me. They aren’t thinking nasty shit about us. That’s all in my head.
Shelby leans against me and wraps her arms around my waist. She softens from my touch, and I smile down at where she smiles up at me. Did she think I needed a hug? Maybe talking about her mom made her want one. Shelby and I might look all wrong together, but she sure feels right in my arms.
THE CHAPTER WHERE PATIENCE PAYS OFF
THE WEIRDO
Goliath’s mood swings might break a weaker woman. He both wants me with him at the trailer and ignores me at the Saloon. Often, when other people are around, he acts as if we’re strangers. However, when we’re alone, he doesn’t want me out of his sight.
As much as I want to demand normalcy, Goliath isn’t a man comfortable with needing me yet.
While he might not tell me that I’m important or write me cheesy poetry, there are other signs that I matter to him. For one thing, three nights a week ain’t cutting it. He wants me over at his place every single night.
Plus, he lets me put up holiday lights in his trailer to make the space more festive. I skip the Christmas tree and buy him a dancing, sexy Missus Santa.
“Her cans are nearly as nice as yours,” he says, chuckling when she dances to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”
I don’t make any other alterations to his trailer. Goliath is afraid of change. It’s why he got trapped in bad relationships. He mentions his exes on occasion, sounding like someone replaying a trauma rather than a man thinking about women he called his.
But Goliath is also a strong man who takes what he wants. He tried to tame that part of him in prison. It’s why he acted submissive when he got out. With the club, he didn’t want to do more than asked. Giving a shit got him in trouble in the past. Yet, he isn’t a naturally passive man. Goliath prefers to step up and take charge. That’s why River asks him to be Shasta’s SGT-at-Arms.