My mind races, though. I think about Swamp Thing and Grabby sending a killer to that pink house where Hugh used to live. What did they think would happen? What was the point of murdering all those innocent people? To send River and Shane after Cum Shot? Why didn’t they just kill him? What stupid fucking game were they playing? And did they really think I would join their blood-soaked gang?
For a long time, I held on to those men. I felt as if they understood me better than anyone. I needed them to be my friends. Without them, I didn’t have anyone. When they were gone, I held on to their memories as if I was the only one to keep them alive.
But as I listen to Shelby’s soft breathing and remember her crying in my dream, I’m ready to let go of Swamp Thing and Grabby. I’m one of the Reapers now, and I’m in love with a woman those fuckers would have murdered without a second thought. Yomp, I’m more than ready to move on.
Shelby only gets up once for the bathroom. Pretending to be asleep as she returns, I fight a shiver when she runs her fingers across my cheek. Of course, she checks on me. Shelby has a natural mothering instinct. I see how she is with her brother. Shane’s a big intimidating guy, but I’ve caught her fixing his hair more than once. She loves in a way that I want for myself. I thought I didn’t need it. I was too old to care about that shit anymore. Little kids need tenderness. Women probably do too, but grown men can live without it.
But I make the decision that I deserve to enjoy Shelby’s tenderness. Other, lesser people get more than I do. It’s time for me to steal some of that good shit for myself.
I wake up to find Shelby watching me with sleepy eyes. She smiles when my gaze meets hers. I was so scared of this woman that I thought alone was better than being her fool. Now I’m about ready to put up with anything to keep her with me.
That’s why I don’t bail on the barbecue at the ghost house. Instead, I ride my hog over with Shelby’s arms wrapped around me. It’s my way of making sure she’s gotta come back with me at the end of the evening. I’m keeping her car as collateral.
“No one expects anything from you,” she says after climbing off the bike parked in the house’s long driveway. “You can talk to people or stand in a corner. Eat everything or nothing. It doesn’t matter what you do. Just being here means everything.”
“Why are you talking to me like I’m your kid?”
Shelby studies my face, and I notice her fighting tears. “Last night was really great. I don’t want to do anything to mess it up.”
Yesterday, I thought I gave her all the power. With the way she looks at me right now, though, I’d say I still got plenty of it.
Not good with words, I tug Shelby closer and plant a kiss on her perfect lips. She leans into the embrace, tasting so good that I can barely think straight afterward.
Inside the kitchen, we find Max, River, Maude, and Lineke. The final one smiles when she sees me, and I remember the day she asked for help. It boggles my mind to think of her kids being grown up. Max looks ready to pop out her kid any minute, but I think she has a while to go. Maude doesn’t look pregnant at all. They both have their mother’s good looks. I’m glad things turned out okay for them. Killing that asshole meant so little to me, but it gave them a fresh start.
River hands me a beer and talks about his house while Shelby heads upstairs to change her clothes. I just nod, knowing nothing about construction. Max gives me a mini taco and smiles like she always does. I’m her hero. That feels weird, and I get the urge to leave. I’m not a good guy. I killed a man because that’s what I do. There wasn’t any big honorable thought behind ending him.
“Sometimes, we do things that matter more than we expect,” Shelby says, saving me from the awkward vibe in the kitchen.
We walk to the backyard, where the cool air numbs my unease. How does Shelby already know how to calm me down?