as when they say the same thing using Taylor’s name. I want people to piss themselves over my girl’s wrath. Which, of course, means she’ll be super delicate and prissy and overall obnoxious. Can’t choose your kids, right?”
As Goliath’s gray eyes study my face, I get the weird feeling he’s about to tell me to leave. I thought I wanted him to end our time together, so I didn’t have to. Now I’m afraid to be embarrassed by how I want him more than he wants me. I think of his reaction after he was done the last time. Things got ugly fast. I don’t know if we can ever be friends if we keep sharing those kinds of horrible moments together.
“Do you want me to text you before I come over next time?” I ask, scooting off the bed.
“I don’t care.”
While dressing, I don’t dare look back at Goliath. I’m unsure why I hoped he would want me more after his time away from Shasta. He’s lonely and mourning his friends, but that doesn’t mean he needs me around. I’ll either have to learn to accept the crumbs he offers or shut down these booty calls for good.
THE GOLIATH
I feel like a fucking chump. Shelby shows up when she wants and leaves randomly. I have no choice in the matter.
“You could show up at her house,” Hugh says one night at the Saloon. Shuffling cards for another hand of poker, he adds, “Or call her. Didn’t you have girlfriends before?”
“Yeah, but they lived at my old place. I didn’t have to make appointments to see them.”
“What did you do before they lived with you?”
“I don’t remember. They seemed to move in fast.”
Hugh gives me a quick eye roll. “Shelby will never move into your trailer. The woods freak her out, and she thinks you don’t like her.”
“Then why does she show up?”
“Because she likes you,” he says, dealing the cards. “You do seem as if you don’t like her, though.”
“I like her fine.”
“Then why do you care if she shows up or not? I mean, if you can take or leave her, why deal with her at all? Just date someone else or nail a sweet butt. Dione’s still pouting that you don’t stick your dick in her. Why not turn her frown upside down?”
“If I fuck Dione, I can’t fuck Shelby.”
Hugh frowns at me. “I don’t want to shit on your parade, but you sound like a teenage boy. Just tell Shelby you want her to show up more often or tell her you want to fuck someone else. Tell her rather than telling me when I’m not the person that can help you.”
“I’m talking to talk. If you don’t like it, go sit somewhere else.”
“Fuck that,” he says and snorts. “I was sitting here first. You joined me.”
“I’ll leave.”
“Big baby,” he says and folds his hand. “What don’t you like about Shelby?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you like about her?”
I can’t answer. Words don’t explain how I feel about Shelby. Instead, I admit, “I want her around more.”
“Then tell her to come around more.”
“I don’t want her knowing I want her around more.”
“Then you’re in quite the fucking pickle,” he says, dealing the next hand.
“Is that what you do with Utah?” I ask, looking at my shitty cards. “Tell him to come over and then to go away.”
“No. I usually want him to come over, and he’s the one that decides to leave. It’s always been that way. Utah doesn’t want anyone in his space after a certain point. He’ll never settle down and have kids and be that kind of person. I’ve gotten used to his moods.”
“Why?”
“Honestly?” Hugh says, lowering his voice. “Because there aren’t a lot of options in Shasta, and I don’t want to move. Utah is the best I can do. He and I are good together as long as we know our boundaries.”
“And that’s enough?”
“I didn’t think it would be, but I have the Band. Now there’s Taylor. She and Kelsi are talking about having a baby. I’ll have a family without Utah. The one thing my friends can’t give me is what Utah offers,” Hugh says and then pauses before adding, “The reality is if Utah asked me to move in with him tomorrow, I don’t think I’d want to. I like where I live, and I don’t want him around all the time anymore.”
When I frown harder, Hugh shrugs. “I used to, though. I was the Shelby of our relationship. I