Never Enough - By Ashley Johnson Page 0,74

talked to Gary. I have nothing to say to him.”

She looked at me searching my eyes for some sort of answer and I nodded knowing what she was trying to ask. Halley grabbed my phone and did what I couldn’t do, she turned it on. My phone sprang to life and suddenly began going off like crazy. Text tones and vibrations filled where we showed nothing but silence. Wow, this was absolutely insane. Her eyes bugged out of her head as she watched my screen. “What Hales?”

“He’s been blowing up your phone Mace.”

“Yeah? Who cares?” Deep down I wanted to know what each and every message said but I hesitated. Reading those would do nothing but open me back up to being hurt again by him. I refused to let that happen again. “Read them if you want.”

Halley began flipping through texts, tears filling her eyes with every one she read.

“Macy please call me.”

“Macy are you there?”

“I know I fucked up I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t lose you, please talk to me.”

“I know you’re mad.” With each text she read tears stung my eyes. I kept asking myself over and over again why he did what he did.

“I think about you and our baby every day. I know I let you down and I don’t deserve you anymore but I fucking love you so much Macy. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.” That text made the tears fall. I couldn’t hold them back. Halley set the phone down and offered to hug me. I refused her hug. I wasn’t in the mood right now. I needed to be alone. She understood and walked out.

I locked my bedroom door and plugged my Ipod into my speakers. It’d been a long time since I’d done this but I needed a good pick me up and this is just what the doctor ordered. I hit shuffle and the first song that played was Justin Timberlake’s ‘Cry me a river’. Well if this didn’t fit the past day and all its events perfectly. I lay there listening to the words imagining myself singing them to his face. Yeah cry now is what I would say. Right before the chorus really began I thought I heard talking outside the door. Marcus must be over. Wrong voice. There was a knock on the door and I heard his voice.

“Macy, please talk to me.”

Nope. That wasn’t going to happen. Not today. Thank god I locked my door. I turned up the volume just to be a bitch. I wanted him to hear those words and know they were meant for him. He knocked for another minute or two. The music was so loud, I heard nothing he said. Still, I didn’t know whether he was still outside the door waiting for me to unlock it or if he’d actually left. The only reason I knew he was gone was by Halley’s text apologizing that she had no idea he was coming over and he basically pushed his way in to talk to me. She said he was completely heartbroken. Serves him right. As that song ended another began. Of course it would be a slow song. And its lyrics shook me to the core. I missed him so much it wasn’t funny but I could not forgive him just like that. I usually like listening to Rascal Flatts but their song ‘Come Wake Me Up’ sent tears running down my cheeks. This was one of those ugly cries that you’re usually glad no one sees, kinda like the one I had when I found out I was pregnant. I missed him more than I could explain. I hated this.

Something a little more chipper came on next but I didn’t care. I just lay back down and let the music soothe my soul. Another sad song came on shortly. It was ‘Nothing Compares to You; by Sinead O’Connor. It fit everything I was feeling but didn’t dare say. I put it on repeat and blasted it several times just lying in my bed. Before I knew it, I’d passed out again.

*****

Trevor and I were standing in the courtroom in front of the Justice of the Peace. Gary, Halley and Marcus were there too. This was the happiest day of my life. Trevor looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman on the earth. We joined hands as we said our vows. I couldn’t believe our wedding day was finally here. I was getting ready to