the world had turned strange and surreal and she barely took them in.
Moving to Texas. With Dylan. Leaving in a few days.
A few days.
Leaving.
Leaving her. As if their relationship meant nothing. As if she meant nothing.
“Wow, big news,” she managed. On autopilot, she lifted a burlap-wrapped cane from the bed of the truck and set it into the red wheelbarrow.
“We just decided this morning. I wanted to tell you right away.”
She barely heard him. This feeling—this horrible helpless rejected feeling—it was so familiar. She’d grown up with it and she knew exactly how to handle it.
Make it not matter.
She and Darius had no commitment to each other. They’d never spoken about a future together. They were both jaded grownups who knew the drill. It didn’t matter if he left. But it hurts.
Make it not matter.
She could do this. Cool under pressure, that was her. Bluff your way through. Fake it until you make it.
“S.G.’s going to miss Dylan,” she said. Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, but hopefully not to his.
Darius studied her for a moment, while she schooled her expression as if she were facing a Superior Court judge. Show nothing. No weakness. No vulnerability.
“We’re hoping she can visit.” Stepping to her side, Darius grabbed two of the raspberry canes, one under each arm, and loaded them into the wheelbarrow.
Oh sure. Visit. S.G. could visit. That’s who they were worried about.
Feeling almost savage, Kate stalked back to the truck. “Sounds fun. I’m sure she’d love to see another part of the country. Especially one that’s so different from Alaska. I doubt she’s ever experienced temperatures above seventy. Should be quite the adventure—” She broke off as Darius put a hand on her arm and spun her around. “Hey!”
“Are you upset, Kate?” The softness in his deep voice nearly made her snap.
“Upset? Why would I be upset? I’m sure S.G. would love that.”
Something flinched across his face, and she realized that some of her inner fury was leaking out.
“Maybe you could come with her.” A tentative suggestion, nothing more.
“Maybe. Like a chaperone or something. She certainly can’t travel by herself, she’s never been on an airplane. I’ll consider that.” His touch on her arm felt like torture, all that warmth and strength that would never be hers again.
She freed her arm and returned to unloading the truck.
“Kate…”
“Yes, Darius?”
“It’s not…it has nothing to do with…that is…” He dragged one hand through his thick hair, leaving a smudge of potting soil on his forehead.
She could guess what he was trying to say, but she refused to help him out. If he was going to spring this on her, the least he could do was express it in his own words.
“I have to do what seems best for Dylan.”
“Of course you do.” Her fierceness seemed to take him by surprise.
“Then you aren’t…are you…okay with this?”
“Of course I am.”
Of course she wasn’t. He was leaving, without any warning at all. Just—up and leaving. After she’d let down all her protective shields and given him her trust. She never did that. She knew better.
On the other hand, the logical side of her agreed with his decision. He’d just become a father without any warning at all. He was trying to readjust his life to that new reality. He wanted to do his best for the son he’d just discovered. He was trying to do the right thing, and that was Darius in a nutshell.
And she loved him for it. Loved him so much it hurt.
And hated him for it too, because he was leaving.
Grow up. She busied herself with a raspberry cane, her face shielded by the burlap sack. This is how things go. We’re not committed to each other. I don’t know how he feels about me. I don’t know how I feel about him.
No, that was a lie. She knew exactly how she felt about him. She loved him. She loved him wildly and passionately. And most of all, she deeply, deeply respected him.
Which meant that she shouldn’t make “doing the right thing” difficult for him. Using every speck of her willpower and self-composure, she forced her lips into a smile and straightened up to face him.
“I truly respect your decision, Darius. You’re a good man. You’re a good father. You’re putting Dylan first and I completely support that. Without hesitation.”
He absorbed her words, holding her gaze with a searching intensity that made her nervous. She didn’t want him to see what was going on behind her calm facade. She didn’t