Devin shook his head. “I doubt anything will make it disappear completely, but it can be better than it is right now. And I hope it will be a lot better, and soon.”
“Thanks,” I whispered. “And, I um… I know whatever they do, it’ll take time. If you don’t want to be around for it, I’ll—”
“Jase.”
I met his gaze.
And to my surprise, he smiled. “I wasn’t going anywhere while your anxiety was at its worst. I’m sure as shit not going anywhere while you’re getting help for it.”
“You’re…” I blinked. “Wait, does this mean you’ll take me back?”
He actually laughed, and as he slid his hand over mine, he nodded. “Of course. I’m the one who shoved you out the door. I should be asking you to take me back.”
“You…really?”
“Yeah. Really.” He brought my hand up and kissed my palm. “Nothing’s been right since then. I was just afraid you’d left because you didn’t want to sign up for, well, everything, and yes, I was pissed about that, but now that I know that wasn’t the issue…”
“God, no, it’s not.” I touched his cheek, the warmth of his stubbled skin sending a rush of relief right through me. “I miss that kid, damn it.”
Devin laughed, which only added to my relief, and then he pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck, fighting back tears because I’d convinced myself that at least a hundred worst-case scenarios were way more likely to happen than this. I’d say something stupid. I’d make things worse. He wouldn’t want to hear it anyway. There was no chance, and no point, and I was only torturing myself by trying.
But somehow…
Holding him tighter, I whispered, “I missed you.”
“I missed you.” He stroked my hair. “I love you, Jase.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I murmured, “I love you too. God, I still can’t believe this. I thought I’d completely fucked everything up.”
“No, you didn’t.” He sighed against my neck. “I fucked up. I should’ve told you I was worried about my situation with Dallas scaring you off without, you know, scaring you off.”
“And I should’ve told you I was afraid I didn’t know how to be a boyfriend or a stepdad.”
“Yeah, but I know now.”
I drew back again, this time to meet his eyes. “I, um… I was afraid to tell my parents too. Almost thirty, and I was terrified of…”
Devin tilted his head. “You were afraid? Does that mean…”
I nodded and whispered, “I came out to them. I was so tired of not knowing, and worrying myself sick over what they’d do. My therapist wanted me to wait, but I just couldn’t. And since I had a game in my hometown, I went over. And I told them.”
He swallowed. “How did it go?”
Laughing, I said, “They’ve known all along.”
Devin blinked. “They have?”
“Yeah. They just never said anything because they didn’t want to push me out of the closet before I was ready.”
“Oh my God,” he said on a sigh. “That must be a huge relief.”
“It is. Definitely.” I touched his face. “So is this.”
Holding my gaze, he smiled and covered my hand with his. “It’s a relief for me too.”
I smiled back, but it faltered. “For the record, I’m still scared of all the rest. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend or anything like a stepdad.” I ran the pad of my thumb across his cheekbone. “I just know I want to be.”
His smile melted my heart right then and there. I didn’t have the first clue how I’d do it, but one way for the other, I was going to find a way to be everything this man and his daughter deserved.
Without a word, Devin slid his hands around the sides of my neck, and he kissed me more gently than I think anyone had ever kissed me. Relieved, turned on, and still not quite sure this was even real, I wrapped my arms around him, and he sighed as we deepened the kiss.
God, yes, this was everything. Devin was the best thing to ever happen to me, losing him had been the worst, and coming back to this was a kind of relief I’d never even tasted before. Like everything had been right, then it had all gone wrong, and now it was not only right, it was going to stay right. And get better.
“I love you,” I whispered shakily. “Jesus, Devin…”