of long term investment, and putting it off too long could scare off someone I’d already invested in more than I should have. I was kind of damned if I did, damned if I didn’t, but this was the reality of my situation.
And after last night, I should have been feeling better about the odds of this playing out the way I wanted. Jase had been a saint for her and for me. He’d had a taste of our reality, and it hadn’t scared him out the door yet. That had to be a good sign. Right?
I wished. The fact was, I knew better. No one had ever bolted in the middle of a migraine, but once the dust had settled and they’d had time to think about it, that was when second thoughts happened. If the first didn’t chase them out the door, it wouldn’t be much longer. Even if he stayed for a while, what happened during the off season when he wasn’t gone more often than not? Once he saw both the severity and frequency? Because that was the part that most people couldn’t handle.
Aw, fuck.
Like it or not, Jase and I needed to talk. I needed us to look this thing in the eye, acknowledge it, and figure out what it meant for us…even if that meant letting him go like so many people before him.
As luck would have it, his current road trip was one where he was so busy between traveling, playing hockey, and trying to sleep, we barely had a chance to text, never mind FaceTime. The first time I saw his face after he’d left that morning in his condo (aside from on TV when he was playing) was when he came to my apartment after I got off work.
He greeted me with a kiss, and we sat on the couch to talk and hang out. Tony joined us, getting in Jase’s lap instead of mine, the furry little traitor.
As Jase absently petted Tony, he met my gaze, his forehead creased. “By the way, how is Dallas doing? Seemed like the other night was really rough.”
“Oh, she’s good now. It was a rough night, but her mom texted me the next day and said she was tired, but eating, which is always a good sign. By the time she went to bed, she was feeling normal again.”
“Oh Good.” He exhaled. “I was worried about her.”
“Me too.” I hesitated, but I’d been down this road so many times, I knew there was no point in dragging it out. Now that he’d seen what Dallas went through, the conversation couldn’t be avoided anymore.
So, I took a deep breath and looked in his eyes. “Listen, the other day? That’s not an uncommon thing.”
“I know it isn’t.”
“It happens a lot. A lot, a lot.” I pushed out a breath, my shoulders sinking under an invisible but very familiar weight. “The poor kid can’t catch a break.”
“Jesus. That seriously sucks.”
“It does. And the reason I’m bringing this up…” I laced our fingers together. “I just… I need to make sure you know what you’re getting into. That you’ve thought about it. Dallas and I—we’re a package deal, and her migraines run the show sometimes.”
Jase nodded. “I know. I knew it was serious when you told me she couldn’t come to hockey games because of it. All the things that could have triggered her…” He exhaled. “I don’t know how she handles it.”
“Nobody gave her a choice,” I whispered.
He winced. “Man, that sucks. But I mean… I get it. If your kid is sick, you have to take care of her.”
“Right, but my kid is sick a lot more often than most people’s. And dating me means, well…” I swallowed. Haley had told me I should be less aggressive about this, and maybe she was right, but I didn’t want to sugarcoat it too much either. “It means interrupted ice skating lessons. Vacations getting canceled at the last minute. Or right in the middle of it. You haven’t had to see it up close and personal because you’re not here all the time, but once the off season is here, and if we’re doing this for a long time…” I dropped my gaze. “I love my kid, and I don’t want to make it sound like she’s just her migraines and nothing more. She’s not. But this is our life. And if you and I are together, then to some extent…” I hesitated, then met his eyes again.