he’s like this. It’s not fair on either of us.
“No, you have to hear this. You have to…” Gabe’s voice rises. He sounds panicked. “When you walked into school that first day, I saw… okay, so I saw your shaggable arse, but also, there’s this defiance in your eyes. You were staring into the same abyss I face every single day, only it doesn’t scare you. You welcome it. I wanted to know what that was like, to have that kind of strength.”
I try to say something, but Gabriel holds a finger against my lips. His skin burns mine, and the starlight in his eyes takes on an ethereal translucency. Behind it is Gabriel’s soul – beautiful and weeping and made of scar tissue. “We never talked about what the Midnight Grotto was. About what it meant to you. And now you’re sleeping with Marlowe. Is it because I didn’t—”
I shake my head. “Gabe, it’s okay. We never said anything about being exclusive. I’m not under any illusions about what that night at the grotto meant. It was sex. It doesn’t have to be anything more.”
“But you want it to be something more,” he purrs. His hand brushes my nipple, and my breath hitches as he draws me into that dark and delicious magic he weaves oh so well.
“I know the score. You’re a rockstar. You go on tour and—”
“That wasn’t the question.” His voice takes on this dangerous edge that sets my body on fire. My nipple hardens under his touch.
“I—”
“What I’m trying to say, Claudia, is that I don’t care if you want to jump up and down on Marlowe’s cock.” Gabriel tries to smile, but it’s all wobbly and broken. “I’ve heard it’s a magnificent specimen. I wouldn’t mind a go myself if I were that way inclined. I know I’m not enough for you, that Marlowe gives you something I can’t. Eli too, if he pulls his head out his arse long enough to admit his feelings. That doesn’t bother me, because I know for one night I held you in my arms and saw the stars reflected in your eyes. I want you to know that as of right now, the ladies of Emerald Beach are weeping because Gabriel Fallen is officially off the market. As far as I’m concerned, you’re more than enough for me.”
Well… fuck.
I can’t deal with this.
I can’t deal with Gabriel Fallen pouring out his messy, broken soul when I’m already so raw and broken myself.
He leans in, tucking his finger under my chin to tilt my head up. I fall into his scarred soul as his lips brush mine in a kiss that tastes of starlight and raindrops, of hope and regret. It’s a kiss that forms a hard lump in my throat even as it melts my body into a puddle.
It takes everything I have to break that kiss and back away from Gabriel. The magic that draws us together sings between our bodies – a song that plucks our secrets from the very air. Tonight, I didn’t need kisses. I want to be held, to believe that I can have happiness even though I’m a fraud. But I can’t show that weakness, not after all three boys have already stripped me bare of my armor. So I swallow and say, “I need to be alone tonight.”
“Claudia—”
Before I say something I’ll regret, before the tears stinging my eyes threaten to fall, I rip myself from the arms of a fallen angel and flee to my room. I lock my door behind me.
7
Gabriel
Gggggfofdsfdfeeeeee…
Bed is squishy.
Vodka is lovely.
Mac is Claudia.
Claudia is everythinggg…
My head hurts.
8
Claudia
I don’t sleep. The house is alive with sounds – doors closing, beds creaking, male voices murmuring and breathing in their sleep. I’m not sure which sounds I could truly hear and which were born from my imagination and the raw, needy ache between my legs. All I know is that Malloy Manor would never be silent again.
For so many years I’ve tried to fill these walls with noise to drive away my loneliness. I’ve played music at top volume. I’ve watched every horror film ever made. Sometimes I’ve screamed until my throat bled. After a while, even the most beautiful song is just empty notes against a cold, lifeless house.
Now that the noise has found me, I’m not sure I’m ready.
When my clock ticks over to 5:32AM, I decide I can no longer abide staying in bed. I pad to the kitchen, Queen Boudica circling my ankles.