well fed.
Could I have found someone else? Eva often asked herself this question. But the memory of Hugh and everything else is too much to inflict on a new love. Besides, I’m not sure I have any love left to give. So she flirted, laughed and danced the lindy hop with enthusiasm, but always left the dance hall alone to return to her hard single bed.
A smiling woman entered the room from next door, bearing a large plate, which she offered to Irene and Eva. ‘Kielbasa,’ she said, pointing to slices of dark red sausage flecked with fat, and ‘Ogórki kiszone,’ indicating the pieces of green pickled gherkin.
‘Eat,’ said Irene. ‘Then we can toast some more. It is better with vodka, but I know how much you like this,’ and she poured another drop of the scarlet liqueur into Eva’s glass.
‘So, do you really think you’ll stay here for the rest of your life?’
‘Why not? I have all I need here and’ – Irene waved her hand towards the window, which overlooked the forests and land around the camp – ‘there is even a place out there where I will finally lay my head to rest in peace among my fellow countrymen.’
Eva knew what she meant. During the years the resettlement camp had been in operation, residents who died were buried in a Polish cemetery within the camp boundaries. Some inmates had never been able to recover from their time of terrible deprivation, some had suffered terminal illness and some had simply grown old and died waiting for their turn to leave. And maybe, Eva thought, somewhere among those burial plots, there are also bodies that didn’t die a natural death, unless those still lie undiscovered among the dark trees all around the camp and across the countryside.
‘But can you bear to stay here, in the country that has hurt you and your compatriots so much? I get so angry thinking of the Germans who were sentenced at the early trials, who are now being released. You can’t say they’ve properly served their time. And there are those who were never put on trial, never accused, who’ve slipped back into their civilian lives unquestioned. Don’t you ever feel you want to do something about it?’
‘My dear, there was a time when I did. But now I have little time left, I ask for peace. I don’t want to end my life disturbed by thoughts of hatred and vengeance.’
‘I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I haven’t made my peace yet.’
‘But you will be going soon too.’ Irene smiled at her and patted her hand. ‘There is no more work for you here now, it is time for you to go home.’
Eva sighed and shook her head. ‘I know. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow. But I don’t know what I’ll do next. Seeing shows in London, afternoon tea at Fortnum’s, polite cocktail parties and dinners with my parents and their friends… it will all seem so utterly pointless after what I’ve seen and heard here.’
‘You have a sweetheart waiting for you, I expect, and your family, they will be overjoyed to see you again.’
‘My parents will be pleased, but there’s no one else.’
‘So what will you do? It will be strange, I am sure, just to go home. And you are a clever girl. You must continue working.’
‘I think you’re right. But I don’t know what yet. Being here has shown me how little people need to make a good life. I don’t need very much. And besides…’ She hesitated, pictures of Hugh and the tortured prisoners in her head, alongside a laughing fair-haired child. ‘I once made a promise, several years ago. I swore I would do more to make amends but I haven’t been able to fulfil that promise yet.’
Irene’s reddened eyes regarded Eva’s frown and she said, ‘You are a good person, my dear. You will do what you must do, God willing.’
‘Thank you. And do you know, you are one of the people who has inspired me most. You kept up the spirits of all the women with you in Ravensbrück and showed them how to survive. You are wonderful.’ Then Eva leant over and kissed the old woman on her dry, papery cheek. ‘I’ll miss you and this extraordinary place when I’m back in London.’
And Irene reached down beside her chair and said, ‘Then you must take this to remind you of us. A single sip, or even just the smell of this, will bring