My Life After Now - By Jessica Verdi Page 0,54

of the process. Isn’t that true?” she asked of the room. Every single person nodded their emphatic agreement.

Well, maybe it had worked for them, but it wasn’t going to work for me. I wasn’t like them. I didn’t tell strangers my personal business. And, despite having been forced to listen to the altogether dreary details of their daily lives for the past few meetings, that’s what they were. Strangers.

And they were all staring at me. Roxie, June, Ahmed, Sally/Shelly, the guy in the wheelchair, the lady with the mole above her right eyebrow, the woman who always showed up in her security guard uniform.

I looked at Roxie. “I really don’t see how it would help anything…”

“Lucy,” Roxie said, urging me on with her gaze. “Trust me.”

I really didn’t want to do this, but I was trapped. Resentfully, I cracked my knuckles, took a deep breath, and began. “I met this guy in a club—”

“No,” Roxie interrupted. “Start at the very beginning.”

“The very beginning?”

“Yup.”

“Fine,” I relented. “But when you’re all dying of boredom, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Too late, I realized my word choice. “I mean…not dying…umm…you know what I mean…” My face was getting hot.

Roxie smiled. “Lucy, stop stalling.”

What did she know? I wasn’t stalling.

Okay, maybe I was stalling a little bit.

But there was still more than a half hour left in the meeting, and I was going to have to begin sooner or later.

“Well, I was really upset because things kept going wrong…” I started. I told them all about the play and Elyse and Ty, and when I got to the part about Lisa, there were some actual gasps from several group members. Their reaction made me think that maybe I hadn’t been being overly dramatic—maybe all of this crap in my life actually was a big deal.

Encouraged, I continued with the story, feeding on the nods of understanding and head shakes of sympathy.

When I’d exhausted every last detail I could think of, I said, “So that’s pretty much it. That’s how I ended up here.”

To my amazement, the group actually applauded. I couldn’t stop the little smile that crept up onto my face. An actor does love her applause.

“Well done,” Roxie said, grinning.

Phew. I’d shared, and it hadn’t been horrible. I actually felt better somehow. Maybe Roxie really did know what she was doing with these meetings.

“Now,” she said, addressing the group, “does anyone have any insight into Lucy’s story?”

A few hands went up.

My heart stopped. Wait a second—people were going to talk about what I’d just told them? I thought the whole point was just to share and move on. We never analyzed anything anyone else said. This wasn’t fair!

“Hold on,” I said, panicking. “I don’t really feel the need for comments. Why don’t we just let someone else share?”

“Our job here is to help each other, Lucy. You were really courageous in sharing your journey with us, but it’s clear you’re still stuck in your own head, and that you’re still holding on to a lot of self-blame. I think it will help you to get the perspectives of others.”

“But…” I protested meekly.

Roxie ignored me and began calling on people to share their unwelcome opinions on my life. I sat there in horror as one by one, they weighed in.

“You know, Lucy, what you told us about your friends—Max and Cassie?” Ahmed began.

“Courtney,” I mumbled.

“Right. Well, something just like that happened to me too when I started taking better care of myself. I stopped drinking and going out all the time, and I started coming to these meetings, and all of a sudden my friends didn’t want to be friends anymore. They said I thought I was too good for them.” Ahmed hung his head sadly. “I haven’t seen them in years.”

Some other people chimed in then, saying that they’d also lost friendships because of their positive status.

And this was somehow supposed to make me feel better?

The security guard lady was talking now. “I think it was crazy brave of you to go confront that musician douchebag.” She leaned across a few people to give me a high five. I returned it halfheartedly.

People kept talking and talking, not having any idea that this was all completely useless. Everything they said was wrong. It wasn’t bravery that had brought me to Lee’s; it was temporary insanity. And Ahmed’s nameless, faceless, alcoholic friends were nothing compared with what Max and Courtney and I had had—and lost.

Roxie was wrong. This wasn’t helping me at all. It