My Life After Now - By Jessica Verdi Page 0,29

me, it was shaping up to be the worst Eleanor Drama production in history. After a few days of absolutely atrocious rehearsals, Andre asked me to stay late.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Lucy, but you need to pull it together. Now,” he said.

“I know,” I muttered.

“No, I don’t think you do. I’m this close to recasting your role. If that happens, you’re out. For good. I know you don’t want that.”

“No,” I agreed. I wasn’t supposed to want that. Right? But it was hard to muster up the appropriate reaction. The old me, the me that cared about things like the drama club, was locked away deep inside my head, but she wasn’t the one in charge anymore. It was that unnamed thing that entered my body way back at the very first utterance of the word positive. It was growing and festering and whispering what’s the point? over and over again with every heartbeat. And it was right—there was no point to any of it.

Andre wasn’t the only one who confronted me.

Elyse sauntered up to me in the women’s dressing room, her sparkly skirt swishing over her Stairmaster-perfected thighs. “You know, it’s a good thing I transferred to this school,” she announced, right in front of all the other cast members.

“Why is that, Elyse?” I said, humoring her.

“Well, it’s one thing for you to ruin your four scenes, but just imagine if you’d been cast as Juliet. They’d have to cancel the show!”

I stared at her, humiliated, trying to conjure up an appropriate comeback. But I came up with nothing.

“Don’t feel bad, though,” she continued mock-sweetly, clearly enjoying herself. “Lots of people are considered ‘good actors’”—yes, she did the air quotes—“when they’re kids and then just can’t hack it when it’s time to be taken seriously. But don’t worry, it’s not like you won’t be able to have a career in the theater—I’m sure there’s a box office or usher job with your name on it.” Her phone rang. “It’s Ty. I have to take this.” She turned and swished back the way she came.

God, what did Ty see in her? And how could Max call me a bitch when that bitch was walking around like the sun shone out the back of her thong?

I glanced intuitively over at Courtney. She just kept putting on makeup, like she was completely ignorant of what had just happened. But there was no way she hadn’t heard. I took her silence the only way it could be interpreted—she agreed with Elyse.

I started spending lunches by myself in the empty auditorium, and I sat in the back of the room, alone, in homeroom. Courtney and Max stopped talking to me altogether. Our threesome had become a twosome. Who knew our friendship could turn out to be so precarious. It was surreal, seeing them in the halls and in homeroom and at rehearsals, but not being able to cross the invisible barrier that had formed between us. There was a part of me that was always aware of them, that perked up when they were in close proximity, but that part was completely detached from the part of me that was supposed to care. So we went on pretending like we had never been more than classmates.

At home, things weren’t much better.

Lisa’s belly was getting bigger, but she stopped asking me for baby names after a while, because all I’d been able to come up with was Lisa Jr. And why should I have to name her baby, anyway? Couldn’t she do anything herself?

But unlike my friends and pseudo-mother, my dads couldn’t just ignore my behavior. At first, it was a series of “Are you okay’s” and “What’s on your mind’s” and shared, worried glances. But as it became more apparent to them that whatever I was going through was more than a phase, they upped their game.

I came home after a dreadful Sunday afternoon rehearsal to find Dad and Papa in the living room, the TV and stereo off, the room quiet. They had been waiting for me.

I glanced at the stack of library books on the coffee table, and back to my parents.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Lucy, sit down,” Dad said, gesturing to the chair positioned across from them.

“Actually, I’m gonna go to my room—I have homework.”

“No,” Dad said firmly. “Sit.”

I cursed under my breath and dragged myself over to the chair. “Fine. What?”

“Lu,” Papa began. “Your father and I are concerned about your behavior as of late.”

“We understand