than I’d ever been when I was on the road with him; that I knew for sure. And I needed to find a way to keep that self present in my life. But if I admitted that right now, would it make me seem insensitive to Brady? Matteo’s words sparked a series of questions that were now bombarding my mind. I’d thought I loved Brady. But his canceling the wedding really left me with trust issues. I also thought I cared deeply for Matteo. But how much did I know about him, about what life would be like with him?
Brady was safe. Brady loved me—or so he claimed. But could Matteo love me now that we had this dark cloud hanging over us? And could I ever hurt Brady in such a profound way by leaving him for his friend? Would Matteo betray Brady like that, just to be with me? There were so many unknowns that wouldn’t be resolved before Matteo had to leave.
“There’s so much I’m unsure of right now, Matteo. But how I feel when I’m with you isn’t one of those things.”
He lifted his index finger and traced my lips. It lit my insides on fire. I closed my eyes, relishing his touch to the point that I found it hard to breathe. I could feel his quickened breaths on my cheeks. I wanted him. There was no denying that. My nipples hardened. I knew now that I would forego showing him my bedroom because I truly couldn’t trust myself.
He apparently knew exactly where my mind was.
“Got any face mask cream?” he asked.
• • •
The next morning, I could still smell Matteo’s cologne in my house. It was apparently all over the couch from when he sat there last night. I hadn’t wanted him to leave, but eventually we’d both agreed it was best if he hopped a late train. What choice did we have? We both knew the chances of us slipping were high if he spent the night. And now it felt like a clock was ticking, because the flight he’d rescheduled would be leaving New York in a few days. His leave of absence from work was almost over, and he had to get back to his teaching job after Christmas break.
I had no clue how I was supposed to say goodbye to Matteo or how I was going to deal with the Brady situation. But once Matteo went back to Seattle, I needed to make some real decisions about how I wanted my future to look.
• • •
That afternoon, I paid Felicity a long-overdue visit. I hadn’t seen her since before Matteo came to town, so she knew nothing about his connection to Brady. The thought of explaining everything to her had been daunting, which is why I’d put it off.
She was finally recovering well from her accident and was now up and about, cleaning the kitchen as I sat at her table with my feet up on a chair.
Even though I knew she was completely biased—Team Brady—I needed to confide in someone about this situation. And I knew I could trust Felicity.
She looked me up and down. “You look like you’ve lost weight.”
“Yeah…I’ve been under a lot of stress the past several days.”
“What is it? Did something happen with Brady?”
“Indirectly, yes.”
I told her the whole story about Milo being Duncan. She had to stop what she was doing and take a seat across from me.
“Are you kidding me? Tell me you’re kidding.”
“I’m not, unfortunately.”
She sat there silently pondering for a long time. “It kind of makes sense, if you think about it—him being in Vail at the time. Pretty crazy that he didn’t figure out it was you.”
“Well, remember, we never told each other our names…”
“That’s right. But still.” She shook her head. “Are you going to tell Brady at some point?”
“I honestly don’t know what’s best. I know you’re rooting for me to get back with him, but I’m just not sure anymore.”
Next I told her about my time with Matteo last night and how connected I felt to him.
She smirked skeptically. “Nothing happened?”
“No. We took Abbott for a walk. Then he came back to my place, and we just hung out. We ended up putting on the funniest movie we could find and watching it from opposite ends of the couch—quite intentionally.”
I didn’t need to tell her about our couple of close calls or the fact that I’d sucked Matteo’s fingers. I was pretty sure Felicity already looked at