‘The wine.’ He smiled, amused, but there was a hint of strain beneath it.
‘Oh! Does it look awful?’
She pressed her hands over her cheeks. Her skin flushed hot, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the spirits or how Fei Long had looked at her. It was a drawn-out, thoughtful look. The way a man regarded a woman.
‘I’ve never had much to drink before,’ she confessed.
‘I can see that.’
The moment between them broke and she turned away to seek some diversion. She could feel Fei Long’s gaze, heavy and thoughtful, on her. She didn’t dare ask what it was that he saw.
The musician had pulled out his pipa again. He’d started up a song and the troupe joined in, singing loudly as if each one were trying to outdo the other. She fell silent, letting the music and the laughter hide her while she cradled the gem of her conversation with Fei Long close to her breast. She’d often wondered what his life was like before he had returned to Changan. She wondered if he would go away again once she left.
Soon the banter droned hazily around her and she fought to keep her eyes open. She waved away an offer of more wine. Vaguely, she registered the start of some drinking game, but her head was starting to feel heavy.
The next thing she knew, she was leaning against something. She’d fallen asleep while the party continued without her. Blinking drowsily, she opened her eyes to see Bai Shen watching her with a wide grin.
‘Wake up, young sir. You don’t want Fei Long to have to cut off his sleeve for you.’
Fei Long. Her cheek was pressed against his shoulder and she could feel the steady rise of his chest beneath her fingertips where she rested them against him almost possessively. She’d fallen asleep on him, of all things!
Her cap fell off as she righted herself in horror. She fumbled with it hopelessly. ‘I—I’m sorry.’
Fei Long didn’t appear angry as he looked down at her. ‘It’s time to go.’
She stumbled as they untangled themselves from the troupe, but Fei Long steadied her and soon they were free, standing on the edge of the party.
Bai Shen bowed, palm to fist, in a formal farewell. His regret at their departure didn’t last long as he was caught up in another conversation. The festivities would no doubt continue once they left.
‘I should pay…’ She realised it only once they were beyond the threshold of the entrance. Her mind was still clouded with sleep. She was posing as his servant and supposed to open doors and handle money.
‘I’ve taken care of it.’ Fei Long guided her onto the street with a hand against her back.
The city became a maze of alleyways and unfamiliar streets in the haze. Dutifully, she followed along beside Fei Long, her step not quite steady. The lanterns of the drinking houses were still burning along the main avenue. Their halos became fuzzy and distorted before her.
What time was it? She yawned again.
Dimly, she recalled passing through the ward gate. She waited while Fei Long showed his pass. One moment, she was awake. In the next, she’d drifted into sleep on her feet.
‘Come,’ he said.
She plodded along beside him again. The way back seemed so much further than the way there, if that was possible. The oversized boots were more a hindrance now as they wobbled about her ankles. At some point, she stopped to adjust them and found herself once again dozing, her back propped against the brick wall of an alleyway.
‘It’s not far now.’
She opened her eyes and Fei Long was right before her. He was holding the lantern now, as she could no longer be trusted with it. His face was partly in shadow and she could see the glow of moonlight beyond him.
‘I didn’t drink that much,’ she said.
‘I know. Come on, you.’ He looked so pleasant and indulgent and wonderful.
She should tell him now. Tell him something about the feelings growing inside her.
Once they returned to the mansion, there would so many barriers between them. Heavy veils of propriety and class, like the silken layers of those cursedly beautiful robes. Those walls were down tonight and he was standing so close, looking at her in that way again. She didn’t know what that way was, only that it was different. She wanted to confess right here in this darkened alley. It was irrational, but it made more sense now than it ever would.