of avoiding it. Even though she, I, and her brother all knew damn well I wasn’t.
I jerked my head back and forth as I shuffled backward another step. “I don’t want to do this with you.” The words tasted sour and corrosive as they came out of my mouth, but I made myself keep going. “We’re friends, Andie. That’s all.”
She only betrayed the barest hint of a flinch, but it was like a knife stabbing right into my chest. “You said we were family.”
“We are.” My voice shook a little, and I dug my fingernails into my palms. “That’s why I can’t do this. I’m not going to use you for casual sex. And I don’t want anything more than that—from anyone.” I forced all the conviction I could muster into the last sentence, hoping she’d believe the whopping fucking lie I’d just told her.
She didn’t say anything. Although she was trying not to show it, I could tell I’d hurt her feelings. She had every right to be pissed at me. I’d initiated the kiss, and not only welcomed her response, but done my own share of escalating.
And now I was rejecting her after leading her on like a complete asshole. The only thing working in my favor was my own reputation. She already knew what a shitheel I was when it came to women, so she shouldn’t be all that surprised.
I just had to hope I hadn’t ruined everything. That she’d be able to forgive me so we could move past this and get back to the way things were before I’d stuck my damn tongue in her mouth.
I made a show of glancing at the clock on the microwave and cleared my throat. “Speaking of…I’ve actually got to go.”
That snapped her out of her frozen silence real quick. “Are you shitting me?”
“I’ve got plans.”
“With a woman?” Her eyes blazed with white-hot anger, but beneath it I saw an unmistakable flicker of hurt.
An oily coil of shame crept up my spine, and I cast my eyes down at the floor. “Yeah.”
“You’re really going to kiss me like that and then walk out of here to meet up with another woman?”
Lifting my eyes to hers, I forced a steadiness I didn’t feel into my voice. “I am, yeah. That’s why you don’t want to go there with me. Because this is who I am.”
Before she could say anything else, I crossed to the door and pulled it open, pausing on the threshold without looking back at her. “For whatever it’s worth, I really am sorry. I wish I could be something other than what I am, but we’re both stuck with me as is.”
I let the screen door slam behind me as I walked away from her house.
I didn’t have a date tonight.
Obviously.
That had been a lie. A gross one that I regretted. But it had sent the message I needed Andie to receive.
Loud and clear.
There was no chance of her ever kissing me again. That was what I’d wanted. But goddamn, it hurt.
After I left Andie, I drove straight to Tanner’s place. He took one look at me and pulled out his best bottle of whiskey. While he poured two glasses of WhistlePig, I unloaded the sorry tale of my enormous fuckup and the events that had led up to it. The only part I kept to myself was Dad’s involvement in Andie’s HOA troubles. My mood was bad enough already without turning this into another bitch session about our father.
“So let me make sure I’m getting this right,” Tanner said when I’d finished. “You finally worked up the courage to kiss the girl you’ve been in love with since forever…and then immediately walked out on her after making up a lie about having a date with another woman?”
“That pretty much covers it, yeah.” I knocked back another mouthful of his very fine whiskey and leaned forward to refill my glass.
Tanner rubbed his forehead. “Jesus, Wyatt. You’ve made a lot of bad decisions in your life, but this time you’ve reached breathtaking new heights of foolery.”
I threw myself back against his couch and splayed my legs out, resting my whiskey glass on my knee. “Worse than when I painted a dick on Principal Whitmeyer’s car?” That particular stunt had gotten me suspended for two weeks and kicked off the baseball team, but it was only one of the many self-destructive choices I’d made over the years.
“Maybe, yeah.”
I took another drink, relishing the pain as it burned its way