any part in it. Fingers looped through the straps of her shoes, Justin walked slowly away in the direction Sunny had run. He was giving her time, I think. No doubt he’d find her weeping in private somewhere further along the wharf. She wouldn’t have gone far.
Only when they were both completely out of sight did I realise how angry I was. Furious, spitting, blood-pounding anger. I hoped the anger survived the flight to Wellington. I wanted to still be feeling this rage when I confronted Karen.
Chapter 11
EASTER 2005
Sunny
Dad makes me wear my blue summer dress with the daisies on it, even though the neck is scratchy. I ask him if Falcon is going to be lifted up to heaven by the angels and if heaven is like Rainbow’s End only none of the rides are scary. And I ask if angels really are like fairies only fatter. I tell him I hope the angels make the coffin take off like a rocket ship with flames bursting out the bottom because I know Falcon would like that the best, but Dad looks out the car window as if I’ve said something bad, even though it wasn’t bad and I whispered it so the man driving the car couldn’t hear.
I’ve never been in a church before and I don’t like it. Except I do quite like the big windows with all the coloured glass pictures. The coffin is already there but I don’t think the angels are coming to get Falcon. Kids from school walk up to it a bit scared and then the adults help them tie balloons to the handles on the side. Falcon’s too heavy and the balloons aren’t strong enough to lift it. Unless he’s really light now that he’s dead. If the angels don’t come, they’ll just have to put him in the ground with all the other coffins. Someone has put Robot Man and a football on top of the coffin. I’ve never seen the football before and I don’t know why it’s there. Robot Man is sitting there like he’s waiting for Falcon to open the lid and pick him up. There’s music playing and when I turn around to look for the person playing it the adults look at me but then their eyes slide away and they pretend they’re looking somewhere else. I don’t like it. And I don’t like it when adults stand up the front next to the coffin and say all those things about Falcon and I don’t like it when everyone sings really loud like they’re yelling. I don’t know any of the songs. Gran isn’t here. I know that without looking because she told me she wasn’t coming. She was mean to me and I hate her. Dad puts his hand on my knee and gives me his warning look to tell me to stop swinging my legs. I want to go home. Everything smells funny from the flowers. It makes my tummy feel sick and I wish I hadn’t eaten my toast even though Dad said I had to. I think I might vomit and that wouldn’t be good in the church. If the angels do come, they’ll have to crash through the windows, right through the coloured glass. I hope they don’t smash the one of the lady holding a baby. The lady and the baby both have big golden things like bike helmets on their heads but the lady’s wearing a crown with jewels under her helmet. She has a long blue dress like a princess and she looks really sad like a princess. And then the priest tells us to kneel and take a moment to think about Falcon, and everyone does but I don’t think about Falcon because I don’t know what to think about him. The wood smells nice and I put my teeth on it and bite it a little bit because Dad has his eyes shut. I like the feeling of it on my tongue. It tastes warm and brown and makes my tummy feel better. My teeth have left marks on it like when I bite my pencil. My teeth marks will stay there forever. Everyone stands up and Dad takes my hand so I know to stand up too. My knees are sore from when we had to kneel down but I don’t rub them in case it makes Dad angry. Then Mrs Pritchard from kindy brings some of the little kids up and they have to