My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,85

and I now find myself staring up at the massive barrel of the tank’s gun.

“Don’t shoot!” I cry, raising my hands into the air. “I’m innocent I tell you!”

“You’re a terrorist, lady! And I’m going to blow you up!”

“Oh for god’s sake, Steven, get down from there this instant.”

Phew. I’ve just been saved from imaginary bombing by the boy’s mother. Paige has her hands on her hips and her face looks thunderous. I don’t know if she’s angry at her kid for climbing onto the tank, or if she’s more embarrassed by his outburst about terrorists.

“No way, Mum. I’ll save us all! BOOM! BANG!” Steven makes explosion noises and I really have no choice in the matter. I’m just going to have to die on the spot.

“Ugh!” I grip my chest as though I’ve just been shot. “You got me!” Feigning a death-strike, I plummet to my knees and roll in slow motion onto my back until I’m lying flat on the grass.

When a shadow passes over my closed eyes, I open them to see two juvenile heads peering down at me.

“You were blown up, lady.” Steven mocks. “There’s nothing left of you but a bloody steaming pile of guts and—”

“Stevie!” His pig-tailed sister shouts. “I’m telling Daddy you said bloody!”

Sitting up, I laugh as the two children run away. It’s not my place to spoil their fun, especially considering the little girl is probably going to get into the same amount of trouble for uttering the exact same curse word as her brother.

“Sorry about that, Emily.” Paige gives me a hand up.

“It’s no problem.” I smile and dust down my picnic dress. I’m just about to thank her for helping me off the ground, when she backs away.

“Yes well, we’ve got to be going now. I… umm… got a lot of preparations to do for your wedding meals.”

And with that she’s away, leaving me to stand and wonder why it seems everyone else is a lot more eager about my own wedding than I am today.

***

“Something the matter, my darling?” Callum detects my slight misery as I approach him.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing.” I reply while biting my lip and the scowl remains on my face.

“Nothing doesn’t cause such frownery. Come on, I’ll show you something that will cheer you up.”

My fiancé is right, what he shows me next does indeed cheer me. “So that rainbow coloured tube of crystal was actually grown?”

It’s hard to believe, but what I’m looking at is basically slightly transparent stone. Callum has brought me into the semi-conductor and robotics unit of CoTechnic. Inside a glass box lies a sample of silicon crystal.

“That’s amazing!” I exclaim. Callum knows I’ve always been fascinated with major scientific discoveries. If I had been the type of girl who was interested in maths during my school days, I would have studied genetics or biology. As it turned out, I actually hate numbers and shit, so my wonderful fiancé indulges me from time to time with fascinating scientific tid-bits. It only bothers him slightly that I’m the type who expects others to do the mathematical work, but he knows I just don’t have a scientist brain. Besides, he’s happy thinking he’s the smart one in our relationship. And he is really, as far as intelligence levels go. As for common sense, sometimes I wonder—

“Still worried about the wedding?” Callum misinterprets my thoughtful gaze as my eyes linger upon the crystal.

“Nope.” I look up and smile at him. “This tour has done the trick. I’m not worried at all anymore.”

“Not even a tiny bit worried?”

I shake my head at him and my smile grows wider. “Well, of course I’m slightly nervous. I’m going to be a real life bride in two days! Who wouldn’t stress about that?”

“Well, how about if I show you what else Oliver’s been working on? Would that take your mind off things?”

Where has this idea come from? My fiancé, of all people, should be aware of my abhorrence of those robotic things. Why on earth would he think I’d want to immerse myself in the very hive of where Oliver’s dastardly defective robots are created in the first place?

“I haven’t seen Oliver since the day he saw my tits, remember honey? I don’t think I ever want to come face to face with that man again.”

Callum cringes and scratches his head awkwardly. “I’d forgotten about that, but it doesn’t matter, Oliver isn’t here today.” He takes my hand. “Come on, Em. You’re not the only one