assigned to be your…Shannon.”
“Her name is Monica?”
“What did you think it was?” She drummed her fingers on the edge of the counter.
“Wannabe Shannon.” I shrugged. “But she’s not you. There’s no new you.” My voice dropped.
“At work or in your personal life?” Every line of her body radiated tension. Anger.
That little flare of hope sparked brighter. She was jealous. “There’s been no one since you. There won’t be anyone after you. It’s just you.”
She blinked, quickly schooling her features, which I deserved.
“I’m in love with you, Zoe.” I started all over again.
“Stop saying that!”
“No. It’s true. I’m in love with you. We have to figure this out.”
“Why? Because we have a ridiculous house together?” She lifted her brows. “Or because Monica doesn’t know how to make tea? Or do a good enough job at sucking your—”
“Because you still love me!” There was no way a woman like Zoe gave her heart away and then yanked it back so quickly.
“Don’t be so sure about that.” She folded her arms across her chest.
Damn, the woman was a walking piece of frustration, and she knew exactly how to get under my skin.
“I told you I would fuck this up. That I didn’t know how to do this.” I motioned between us. “And I’m not against parking a camper on the front lawn of the Colorado house like I threatened, but you haven’t been back there since I left.”
“Keeping tabs on me?”
“Yes!”
“Why?” she fired back.
“Because you’re mine!”
“The hell I am!” Every line of her body went taut.
“Fine, then I’m yours! Better now?” I ripped my hand over my hair.
Her eyes fluttered shut. “Nixon, we can’t do this to each other. We just can’t. Even if you can take it, I can’t. It physically hurts to be this close and not touch you.”
“Then touch me.” Four strides—that’s all it took to haul her into my arms. I poured everything I had into that kiss as our mouths met and opened, my longing, my need, and my love. It was all there for her to do whatever she wanted with it. She laced her hands behind my neck and kissed me back like it might be the last time.
At the bittersweet taste of that desperation, I pulled back, gentling the strokes of my tongue to lazy swirls around hers.
“I missed you every minute of every day,” I said between kisses.
She shook her head and pushed at my chest. “Nothing’s changed.” Her eyes met mine, and there was so much sadness mixed into the anger that an ache developed in my throat.
My body screamed in protest, and my heart lurched as I put precious inches between us, but my head was in control this time. “Everything has changed,” I assured her. “Everything but the way I feel about you. I’m in therapy. I’m sober. I’m not sleeping with Monica or anyone else. I don’t need you to keep me sober, Zoe, I just need you, period.”
“You hurt me.” She bit out every word as the accusation it was.
My gut knotted. “I know. I’m really sorry. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Ouch.
“I’ll earn it.” I ran my thumb over the soft skin of her cheek.
“You’ll earn it?” Sarcasm saturated every word.
“I’ll earn your trust,” I promised. “And honestly, I have to earn my own first. When you said that you were my fix, it struck a chord.”
“Was I? Am I?” She tensed. “I mean, look at what just happened.”
“Maybe,” I admitted, stroking her lip with my thumb. “There’s nothing that compares to what it feels like to touch you.”
Her eyes flared in surprise.
“What? I’ve told you that before.”
She studied me carefully. “You said maybe. You didn’t deny it.”
“Working on that whole emotional availability thing,” I said slowly. “And until I can be sure that you’re not my current drug of choice, I’m not putting either of us in the position to feel that way.”
She glanced pointedly to where our bodies were aligned.
“Right. This is why I’m going to need another few months.”
“To do what?”
“I need to get through the spring...start the summer without the yearly downward spiral. Need to hit my year mark without leaning on you. That way, I know I can do it on my own, and you’ll know you can go slay the management world without stressing out that I’m going to lose it on tour without you. Plus, I kind of ignored the whole wait-a-year-before-starting-a-new-relationship advice, but I wasn’t expecting you—expecting this.”
“So,