was in. Things would be different. They would be okay.
“Tomorrow is going to be hard,” Keegan’s voice cracked just thinking about the statements they were going to have to make. The internal investigation that would no doubt start because of the fact that a suspect was killed during a take-down and other officers were killed in the process. There were so many things that went wrong and someone would be held responsible for the mistakes and the deaths that had occurred. “I’m not the only person who is going to need rest.”
Cassidy didn’t say anything after that. He just nodded and closed the car door for her. Keegan watched as Cassidy moved to his own car with his shoulders hunched in and his head ducked towards the ground. As soon as he disappeared into the darkness of his car she pulled out from the hospital parking lot and headed home.
Her house was empty. She could barely stand the silence as she moved through the living room and into the kitchen. She poured her self a tumbler full of vodka and threw it back without much thought. She poured another glass as she tried to breathe past the burn sliding along her tongue and throat.
Looking down at her shirt Keegan barely made it to the sink before she was throwing up the drink she had just swallowed down. She was still covered in his blood. She needed to get it off. Tearing her blouse off, buttons trickling against the floor, she ran cold water over the worst of it.
The water turned from dark pink to translucent but the stains were still there. It wasn’t enough though. No matter how much blood disappeared from the shirt more remained. She dug through the cabinets frantically. She dumped a bottle of peroxide on the fabric and gagged at the smell. The tiny bubbles turned from a foamy white to pink. She doused the shirt under running water and felt her chest lighten at the sight of more blood disappearing.
Staring down at the left over smears of blood Keegan gave up. She threw the offending shirt across the kitchen ignoring the fact that it landed at the foot of the refrigerator. She pressed a hand to her chest as she toed her boots off leaving them standing in the kitchen as she headed towards the living room.
The throw and pillow she had given Matt were still lying on the couch, bunched up. Keegan pulled her service belt off and dropped everything on the coffee table in front of her before she curled up on the couch. She pulled the blanket over her legs and up to her chin. She brushed her nose against the pillow and the earthy scent filled her.
Her eyes stung remembering how scared he had looked. She felt her chest ache and her hand pulsed with the memory of the tight hold he had on her before he couldn’t keep fighting.
He was going to make it. Keegan had to keep reminding her self of that. He was strong and young. He was going to push through. Keegan knew that. It just hurt so much to see him hurting so badly and not being able to fix him. All she wanted was for Matt to be at home and asleep in his own bed, not struggling to make it through the night in a hospital room.
Morning had barely brushed across the sky when a heavy knock against the front door tugged Keegan from the restless doze she had fallen into after spending hours trying to scrub Matt’s blood from her blouse. No amount of cold water, peroxide or detergent could get the reminder of what happened out. Her breath caught in her chest when the heavy knock sounded again. She clambered off the couch and yelled, “Just a minute,” before she darted into her room to pull on a tee-shirt before she opened the door with glazed eyes. Two suited detectives stood on her doorstep.
“Detective Morne?”
Keegan eyed the man with a weary eye. He was tall, lithe and he reminded her of a mouse. His partner made her think of a bulldog. In the way his pudge and roll wasn’t anymore of threat to her than his red rimmed eyes.
“What can I help you with?” Keegan rubbed at the corner of her mouth where drool had dried.
“I’m Detective Gros and this is Detective Conway we are with IAB. May we come in?” They both flashed their badges. Keegan barely gave them a cursory