of my shirt with tiny claws.
“Look at you, kitty. You’re a fierce one, aren’t you? You’re a survivor.”
She drank her milk hungrily and eliminated on cue. I moved on to the next one and the next until they were all done and ready to sleep.
My phone rang as I was closing up shop.
“Mother.” I was still none too happy with her just then.
“I just got off the phone with Remmy. We’re both very disappointed you didn’t get on with Dylan.”
“Mother. Listen to me. Don’t set me up. I can find men on my own.”
“But you don’t. You’re nearing forty, and you live with a bird.”
“Because I like my bird.” I tried not to raise my voice. “I’m happy living alone. Why must you persist in trying to set me up when I keep telling you I’m happy the way I am.”
“Because I don’t believe you.” She sniffed. “You’re a social creature. You’re nurturing. You have so much to offer a partner, and if you could only find someone—”
“Okay. What if I did find someone, and they were totally unsuitable?”
After a brief pause, she said, “What do you mean, unsuitable?”
“What if I wanted someone who was already married, or half my age, or from Peru?”
That was neatly buried.
“Do you?”
“No,” I lied. “But how fast would you abandon your crusade to pair me off if you didn’t like my choice?”
“Linden, who is this unsuitable person?” I should have known. “Are you involved with him already?”
“No,” I lied again. “But you keep matching me up with the same kind of man. Older, successful, connected, metrosexual.”
“And what’s wrong with that, I ask? You could be describing yourself.”
She was right. “Maybe I’m not looking to date myself, Mother.”
“You’re in a very strange mood today.”
“Maybe I want to express the futility of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
“There’s more to this than you’re telling me.” She was too shrewd an observer of human nature, goddamnit. Since I was her only child, she’d had plenty of time to learn how to read me.
“There’s not.” This was definitely going to come back to bite me. Was I trying to break the news in such a way I had plausible deniability?
“I actually called to tell you that your father and I are coming up this week."
“Wait, what?” In the background, I heard my father say, “We are?”
“Mother, that’s not necessary.”
“We’re not coming for you. I had a hankering for a trip up the coast, and your father’s taking the week off.”
“What? I am?” my father asked incredulously. “Sweetheart, maybe we should discuss this before we make plans.”
“I thought you were coming for the Fourth.”
“We were, but then we realized how much we hate the traffic on holiday weekends.” This wouldn’t be the first time my mother heard something in my voice and decided she needed to look me in the eye to find out what I meant by it. We’re close, and it’s very hard to fool her. Maybe I really had been trying to start something.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said. “Everything’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Of course you are.” She didn’t believe that, or she wouldn’t have changed their plans. “But I need a vacation.”
“Look. You know I’d love to have you whenever you come, but you absolutely don’t need Dad to take a week off right this minute, do you? Won’t you be uncomfortable staying at my place for that long?” I had two spare bedrooms, but they only had double beds. My parents were used to sleeping on a California king, so it would be tight.
“Oh, we won’t be staying with you. I need to be pampered. We’ll stay at The Coastal Harmony Resort just south of where you are. What’s their spa called?”
“Pure Harmony?”
“I’m going to book a service for every day I’m there.”
My father said, “Judy—”
“Do you want me to book you for a massage?” she asked me.
“Sure.” That sounded like a great idea, actually.
“And, Doug, you’ll want a reflexology session.” I could just picture my father’s face as she talked. He’d retired from the navy and taken a contracting job as a security consultant, which meant he basically set his own hours. Since Mom had spent so many of my formative years handling a household and child-rearing by herself while he was at sea, he believed he owed her his time now.
That was why my mother was so determined to marry me off. They were happy. They got along great. They’d shared the same dreams, had the