My dad’s warm voice eases the fear in my chest.
“I’m back at the cottage.” Dropping the car keys on the island in the kitchen, I head out the back door to where the wooden porch overlooks the ocean far below. The sound of the waves is a soothing hush and the scent of salt water and brine takes me back to being a little girl here, safe with my father.
“I thought you were working with Yarnell?”
“I kind of decided that wasn’t for me. I’m a terrible housekeeper.”
He chuckles in my ear. “Housekeeping at a big hotel is not easy. People take it for granted.”
“I’m so lonely, Dad.” I haven’t told him about JR.
I should because if anyone would understand a broken heart, it would be my dad. Still, I’d be lonely here even if my heart weren’t broken.
“I know, sweetheart. It’s going to get better. Remember that saying about that which doesn’t kill us?”
“I remember.” My voice is quiet as I gaze up at the black-velvet sky.
The cottage is so far from any other homes or businesses, the stars are brilliantly visible at night. A million points of light against an inky black expanse.
“There’s no moon tonight.”
“How many stars can you see?”
It’s a question he used to ask me as a little girl, before I was big enough to understand estimation. “All of them.”
He chuckles in my ear, and it helps me smile. “The stars are our loved ones looking down on us when we can’t see them.”
“I know.” It doesn’t make me feel better. I want real loved ones, flesh and bone loved ones right here with me tonight.
“What’s troubling you, pumpkin?”
Exhaling softly, I sit on the top step. “Dad, how do you know when change is good and when it’s bad?”
“Hm…” I appreciate him not rushing to answer. “Change is inevitable…”
“What I mean is, how do you know when it’s time to make a change and when you’re going in the wrong direction?”
“That’s easy.” His smile drifts through the line. “You’ll know the change is good when you feel calm. You’ll know it’s right when you have peace in your heart.”
“There’s no way to know before?”
“Of course, but it’s a soft voice. Don’t ignore your instinct. Listen to it.”
Disconnecting from my dad, I close my eyes and picture JR, his sexy gaze and his full lips parting with a gorgeous smile. I think about him hugging his little boy, and looking at me with so much feeling in his eyes… Were the feelings love?
It warms me to my toes, and I know he’s a good change. I imagine him looking at the sky somewhere just like I’m doing right now.
Reaching up, I hold a pinpoint of light, a star between my fingers. I send my warmest wishes across the miles to wherever he is right now.
This one’s for you. To protect you…
Maybe I’ll find him again now that I’m home.
Maybe we’ll have the chance to try again, to see what a life would be like for a sunny girl and an angry boy with a scar.
Maybe we’ll fall in love.
Maybe we already have…
Jr
It took three days of sitting on the bench outside Ritual Coffee Roasters for me to find him. He appeared at the counter right at closing time, just as I was leaving to go to the bus stop to head home.
He stood there talking to one of the baristas, and my heart beat so hard in my chest, I had to grip the wood of the bench to keep from charging in there and grabbing him.
Calm.
Self-control.
Do it the right way, not the easy way.
Now I’m at my studio apartment, making my daily Facetime call to my son. Jesse is animated as ever, blue eyes bright as he tells me about his day.
Only today instead of happy, his lips press into a thin line and anger darkens his expression. “Hunter said only pirates could play on his team, and I was not a pirate.”
“Do you want to be on his team?” I do my best to be a thoughtful, calm dad and not call the little punk excluding my kid a bad name. “Why don’t you make a team with Jimmy?”
“He picked Jimmy first. He said I could be on the team with all the girls.”
My hackles are up, and I’m ready to violate parole again. “Where’s Uncle Scout?”
“He’s here.” Jesse hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “He said he’s going to call Hunter’s dad, but Hunter doesn’t have a dad. I told him that.”
Lifting my chin,