Mr. Smithfield - Louise Bay Page 0,78
deserved the best of everything. “I just want what’s best.”
“For who?” Hollie asked.
“For everyone. I’m just considering whether I should take a step back. Can you imagine if Bethany turned around to me in fifteen years and said, if you hadn’t been sleeping with my dad, my parents would never have divorced.”
“You’re talking like you’re the reason Penelope left.”
“No, I’m talking like I don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t stay.” The more I talked about it, the more I realized I had to go. Not because I wanted to see the world. Not because I wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t resent Gabriel in twenty years because I hadn’t left. But because he needed me to leave so he could reach out and give his family a second chance.
“Is your guest room still available? I think I’m going to need a place to stay before I start my trip.”
Hollie grabbed my hand. “Are you serious? Of course. Always. But, Autumn, are you sure?”
I nodded. It was clear to me now that I couldn’t stay, and more than that, I had to leave with my whole heart. If I went with the promise of returning, Gabriel would never confront his past. He’d never give Penelope a chance.
I needed to help him. I needed to show him—show us both—that he needed me to leave. I just hoped I was strong enough to walk away.
Thirty-Four
Gabriel
I closed the door behind me and sniffed the air, taking in the smell of cooking spices. Friday nights had fallen into a routine where Autumn cooked us a curry and I brought home some great wine to have with it. She’d been busy helping Hollie with the wedding recently, and I’d missed her.
“I’m home,” I called, dropping my coat onto the rack and parking my documents case by the hall chair.
Autumn came down the stairs, her smile a little less enthusiastic than usual. “Good day?” I asked, smiling at her. She looked so beautiful when she had her hair up like that. Or down. Or with a hat. Or without.
She nodded and I pulled her into my arms as she got to the bottom of the stairs. She didn’t mold against me as she usually did, instead pressing her hands on my chest. “I need to get our chicken out of the oven.”
“Can I help?” I asked as I toed off my shoes and padded after her.
“It’s all done,” she said.
Was it me or was she avoiding my gaze? “What did you do today?”
She sighed as she slid the hot dish onto a trivet. “Usual thing. Nursery, then we went for a walk around Lincoln’s Inn Fields.”
Something was definitely up. On any normal day, Autumn would be bubbling over about Lincoln’s Inn. About the “quaint” buildings and hidden walkways. It was the kind of place she loved. But today there was no enthusiasm in the way she spoke. Perhaps she was worried about the new nanny starting, although I’d offered the job to the woman Autumn had recommended and raved about. Maybe she’d had some bad news about the interviews she’d been going on.
“You hear anything about the analyst job at the investment bank?” I asked.
She shook her head as she pulled out another dish from the oven and set it on the side. “Nope. They won’t be making a decision for weeks yet. Said they’ll let me know.”
“And Bethany’s okay, because you would have told me if she wasn’t.”
“Yes, she’s happy as usual, although Bear Bear is in need of a few stitches under his arm. I have to do it before I go.”
Hearing her talking about leaving was like a dull punch to my gut. I hated the idea that she was going to be away for an entire month.
“I’m going to miss you,” I said, circling my hands around her waist as she stood at the kitchen side. “How will I cope?” This time she leaned against me, letting her body relax against mine. “I shouldn’t be so selfish. You’ll be back in just a few weeks. And you’ll have a job by then and—”
She spun in my arms. “I don’t know if I’ll have a job. I don’t know if I’m going to be in London. And I’ve been thinking . . .” She trailed her fingers down the buttons of my shirt.
“Sounds ominous.” I was desperate to lift the heaviness that had settled in the air tonight.
“We haven’t talked about it and I don’t exactly know what you were thinking