Mr. Smithfield - Louise Bay Page 0,77

ironwork that had been painted in purples and reds and greens. Statues kept watch from the roof.

“It’s like a meat palace,” Hollie said. “London is a strange place at times.”

“I’m pretty sure anyone who came to the Sunshine Trailer Park would say the same thing.”

We couldn’t have been further away from Oregon if we’d tried. And we’d tried.

“So, how come you’ve been in the library? You studying for something?”

“Planning my trip. It’s coming up soon,” I said. Sooner than I’d imagined it would.

We arrived at the restaurant and pushed through the dark red door before settling into a table toward the back.

“I came here once with Gabriel. Make sure you check out the back of the stalls. It’s a little shocking to my delicate sensibilities.” There were pictures—subtle ones—of women’s vaginas hung on the back of each door. The British were quirky.

“How intriguing. I think. As is your trip to the library. Tell me more.”

“Nothing to tell. Just planning my trip.”

Hollie scanned the menu, but I could tell she wasn’t taking it in. “I thought you might not end up going.”

“I know you did.” I pulled the napkin from the table and put it in my lap.

“Does this mean you definitely are?” she asked.

The waiter came over and took our order. When he left, Hollie looked at me expectantly.

“I guess. I’m just so confused about everything. I really care about Gabriel and Bethany. And honestly, if it was just that simple, I probably wouldn’t go.”

“But you have to think about your goals in life,” she said. “You don’t want to regret not travelling.”

“There’s that.” I’d be crazy to turn away from the opportunity to fulfil my dreams. Unless those dreams had changed, and something had shifted. When I fantasized about travelling around Europe and seeing the gigantic world outside of Oregon, it was because I wished for more. It wasn’t because now I didn’t want to go to all those places and see all the wonderful things Europe had to offer. I did. But being in London faded the desire to spread my wings further. A little at least. And being with Gabriel—well, it showed me what else there was to want.

“What else is there?” Hollie asked.

“I got a visit from Gabriel’s . . . What do we call her? Wife? Soon-to-be ex-wife?”

“Let’s just stick with Penelope. What did she have to say?”

I gave Hollie the highlights.

“She’s insane if she thinks you’re standing in the way of her and her perfect life,” Hollie said.

“I know. But at the same time, there’s part of me that thinks she deserves a second chance.”

“You think if you weren’t around, Gabriel would just say, no problem, y’all, just move all your things back in and let’s pick up where we left off?”

I knew it was more than just me standing between Penelope and her second chance. It was Gabriel’s past as well. But I was concerned that with me in the picture, he’d never make the effort to face his demons and give the mother of his child a chance she deserved. “No, but maybe there would be a chance for things to be different. I guess we’ll find out soon enough . . .” I laughed but it was hollow. Like a cough in an empty theatre. “Maybe it would be better to have a clean break.”

“I thought you were serious about him.”

I’d hoped I could have Gabriel and all these new experiences too, but maybe that was just greedy. I should be more than happy with an opportunity to travel to a dozen different countries. That had been my ultimate dream at one point.

“I know I wasn’t all that supportive of you being with Gabriel at first, but over these last few weeks, I’ve seen how happy you are. How happy you both are. I was beginning to believe that it might be serious between you—serious enough that you’d both be willing to sacrifice things to make each other’s dreams come true.”

“You’re talking in fairytales,” I said. “We both know life doesn’t work like that. We have to figure things out and work around obstacles.”

Hollie groaned. “Not always. I’m living proof that the fairytale is real. You were the one who convinced me not to give up wanting it.”

“I’m not giving up,” I said. I wasn’t sure that was true. This morning, I’d woken up before the sun and gone downstairs to find coffee. On the way, I’d watched Bethany asleep in bed. She was the most beautiful little girl, and she