Mr. Smithfield - Louise Bay Page 0,48

want to.” But the more time I spent with Gabriel, the more time I wanted to spend with him and the less I looked forward to leaving at the end of the summer. “I’m just saying that we don’t need to think about that now. And if in the future we do want to think about it, we can deal with it then.”

“I want you to be happy. But more than that, I want you to know what’s possible.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Tammy Greenfield’s the perfect example. She’s the happiest woman at the Sunshine Trailer Park, am I right?”

“Absolutely.” Tammy was a cheerleader in high school. She married the quarterback. They had three children. They both had jobs and their trailer was the nicest one on the street. “She’s got reasons to be happy.”

“She does,” Hollie agreed. “But you can bet she’s not going to feel the way you did when you went into the Pantheon or when you saw Big Ben. Tammy has made lemonade out of lemons, but I don’t want you to have lemons to begin with. I want you to know what’s out there and then choose what will make you happy. You’ve always been so good at making the best of what we had. You were always the one who could get me to look on the bright side. But I don’t want you to have to. I don’t want you to make do when it comes to your future.”

I could accuse Hollie of being an interfering, overprotective big sister, but when she said stuff like that, I couldn’t do anything but love her for all of it. “I’m so lucky to have you as a sister.”

“Not as lucky as me.”

“I don’t want you to think I don’t get it. I understand what you’re saying. But we’re not in Oregon anymore. You coming to London showed me that anything is possible. And we got out. Both of us. I’m not going to end up like Tammy Greenfield. It’s already way too late for that. I promise you.”

“Well, if you ever dare to dye your hair that circus red, I’m going to disown you.”

“If I make you a promise that my hair is never going to be anything like Tammy’s, can you try to be just a little supportive of me sleeping with my married, single father, much-older-than-me boss?” I started to chuckle as my description of Gabriel laid bare so many of the obstacles to us having a future together.

“Oh my God, Autumn. Nothing’s ever straightforward, is it?”

“That’s the way life is. And look how it turned out for you,” I said, peering out the window as we pulled up in front of the Savoy.

“I could never have even dared dream that someone like Dexter would love me, or that I would love anyone as much as I love him. I want that for you too, Autumn.”

“Same, sis.” I didn’t dare let myself think about loving Gabriel. For now, I was happy to be happy. Happy to be with him. Happy to feel as good as I did when we were together. Before today, I’d only had a trickle of thoughts about my feelings for Gabriel and what the future might hold. Talking about it with Hollie had made it clear that deep down, in the bottom of my heart, I was holding back a tidal wave.

Twenty

Gabriel

I padded downstairs to the smell of Autumn’s cooking, having just put Bethany to bed. Weekends, when I got to see my daughter from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to bed, were what I lived for.

“I poured you a glass of wine,” Autumn said as I entered the kitchen.

“That rounds off a great day. Thanks.” I took the glass from the counter beside the hob and took a sip. “Bethany passed out before I finished Zog and the Flying Doctors.”

“Best book ever,” Autumn said with a wide grin. “Chicken pasanda tonight, if that’s okay.”

“More than okay. Can I help?”

She shrugged. “Nothing to do for dinner, but you could look at those résumés I left out for you. I’ve arranged interviews for all four this week because there’s only a month before I leave. They look amazing.”

I groaned. I didn’t want to think about another nanny because that meant Autumn was leaving, which didn’t bear thinking about. There wasn’t going to be anyone like Autumn. Apart from the fact that I was sleeping with her, she was wonderful with Bethany and I trusted her