Mr. Smithfield - Louise Bay Page 0,47

serious about him?” she asked.

I didn’t allow myself to think about the answer to that question. It kept popping up in my own head, but each time I simply dunked it under the surface like the boys used to do to each other in the pool.

“We’re having fun,” I replied, giving the pre-arranged answer Gabriel and I had agreed on.

“Gabriel doesn’t do ‘just fun.’ He’s a serious man with serious responsibilities.”

“Trust me, he knows how to have fun, Hollie.” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Oh God, tell me you’re using birth control.”

“Yes. Condoms and I’m still on the pill.”

“Well, that’s one thing at least. But seriously, he’s been hurt before. His wife leaving devastated him, from what Dexter has said. If you’re just having fun and he’s serious about you—”

“I didn’t say that.” The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Gabriel. I wasn’t sure what had happened with his wife, but I couldn’t imagine what would make a woman walk out on a man as truly good and kind and sexy-as-hell as Gabriel. Or a daughter as fun and vibrant and wonderful as Bethany.

“So, you’re saying you’re serious about him?”

Whatever I said, Hollie wouldn’t be happy. If I was serious about Gabriel, I’d be compromising my future. If I wasn’t serious about him, I’d be bound to hurt him. I was in a lose-lose situation.

“Look, if I’m being completely honest with you, I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” She looked like I’d just told her I wasn’t going to attend her wedding, but she needed to understand. “He’s kind and funny and caring. He loves his daughter. He’s thoughtful and a great listener. I enjoy being with him.”

“Oh, Autumn. But you’re so young and—”

“Just listen for a second. We know that whatever there is between us is . . . There are external factors that . . . You know, it’s difficult. So we’ve agreed not to look too far ahead and just enjoy each day.”

But in the moments after Bethany fell asleep and before Gabriel came home, I couldn’t help thinking about what if. I liked Gabriel. Really liked him. And I suspected I wouldn’t want to give him up when it came time for me to leave.

“I know you better than you know yourself,” Hollie started. Her voice was quiet and gentle—no trace of the Sensible Sister tone I’d expected. “And to most people you might come across as some kind of free spirit who’s drifted along, happy to be pushed in one direction or another by your sister. But we both know that’s not true. I didn’t make you work your ass off at school and college. You had your sights set on a better life just as much as I did. You’re focused and determined and you’ve always got one eye on the future. Those boys you dated back in Oregon were always going to get left behind by you. You’ve said it yourself. But what about Gabriel? Is he just another that you’ll leave in your rear-view mirror, or are you going to compromise what you want to stay by his side?”

“Maybe there’s a way for us to be together without making any compromises,” I said. I’d never run through options because there were too many moving parts, and I didn’t want to know it was hopeless. “I don’t think we need to play this out to the end and decide that it’s not going to work. If you did that, then on paper, most relationships would be doomed to fail.” I wasn’t sure which one of us I was trying to convince. “You and Dexter shouldn’t work, but you do.”

“But we’re not talking small issues. Are you saying you’re prepared to take on another woman’s child at twenty-three? You don’t think that’s a compromise too far?”

Hollie didn’t often shock me, but her question was like a punch to the gut. “Bethany’s not another woman’s child. She’s Gabriel’s daughter. Describing it as taking her on makes it sound like she’s a virus or something. She’s sweet and loving and I adore her.”

“I’m sorry.” She had the decency to look embarrassed by what she’d said. I was grateful that Hollie was always there to fight in my corner, but she didn’t always know what was best for me. “Children are a big responsibility. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

“I know. And there’s a lot that would need to be worked out. I’m not saying we will work it out or that we’d even