I really need you not to be the one to tell anyone close to me about this. If they ever find out, it needs to be from me.”
“Of course!” she said quickly. “Telling never crossed my mind.”
“Good. Oh, and by the way you lied.”
That had Rori blinking in confusion. “I did?”
“Yeah. I don’t feel better. I feel like total shit. Way worse than before I told you about it.”
“Because you’re a guy who did a bad thing that you can’t undo?” she asked.
“Basically.”
“And if I said I think you’re a rare and goodhearted man?” she offered.
“Oh, please,” he scoffed. “Don’t overdo it.”
“A guy who is horrified by porn and its dehumanization of women? Uh, trust me, Mike, there aren’t many men who fall in that category. And even if there are, they’re still happy enough to take a look if they have a chance. I mean, I have to say that I find it a little hard to believe that you didn’t sleep with any of the women on the set. Are you sure you didn’t fudge that part just a little?”
“Absolutely not,” he said firmly. “I promised myself that long before that gig. No casting couch. No scandals. I might have worn out over time if I’d stayed, but I still had my values then.”
“Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “And it sounds like you kept them.”
“Some of them,” he corrected. “But no. I didn’t have sex with anyone on set, so at least I don’t have that hanging over my head.”
Rori processed that, not sure what she was feeling. Yes, she was a little disappointed in him. He was no longer Mr. Perfect, but in a weird way he almost seemed like something a little better. He was a guy who was desperately trying to hold on to his soul. A guy who loved his mom and wanted to make her proud. A man who cared how the woman in his arms felt and why she was there.
God, that was hot.
“Mike?”
Deep breath. “Yeah?”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“Well, I’m glad one of us is.”
She laughed lightly. “Although I totally agree that your mom should never know. Neither should Luke or anyone else in your family. There’s nothing to be gained from it, so I want you to stop beating yourself up for not telling them.”
“And be glad I told you?”
“Yes.”
“What’s the logic there?”
“Because,” Rori said gently. “Someone who does need to know this about you will be your wife. Because I can promise you that she’ll find out somewhere along the line, and it had better be from you. And I’m here to tell you, as a woman, that I’d rather marry a man who once filmed a few pornographic movies and walked away from the industry disgusted and ashamed than marry a man who disappears into the basement to get off on porn when he has a few minutes. And for the record, I’m not nearly so optimistic as to imagine that will be case. I think you’re a rarity among men, and I hope when you tell your wife about this that she sees and understands that. Sometimes it’s not all about what we’ve done, but how it shapes us.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Not really,” she said. “This is just the truth. The way I see it, you went against your judgment, did something you swore you wouldn’t, were absolutely disgusted by the results, and have never repeated them or put yourself in the position to repeat them. How is that not admirable, Mike?”
“Uh, I could list a few ways,” he muttered.
“Still,” she added. “I’m glad you told me. It was a good trial run for the next person you’ll need to tell.”
“I guess.”
She could tell he still felt horrible. That much was obvious, and it was hardly what he deserved after how well he’d handled her little confession.
“Mike?”
“Yeah.”
“If you rewind to the beginning of this conversation, I think you’ll find that it started with me telling you that I’m in the middle of sculpting a pair of hips at the moment of ejaculation.”
“True,” he said with some hesitance.
“That being said,” she added. “If I’m taking an innocent block of clay and shaping it into sex, I’m hardly going to judge you for aiming a camera at two bodies having sex. Maybe some other girl will, I don’t know. I don’t speak for all womankind, but what I can say on behalf of myself is that what I get from your story is that once upon