future children together. I see it so fucking clearly. Hell, if she’s somehow miraculously conceived already, we could have our first baby together just before the New Year. That’s mind-blowing. And a little scary…but I’d be thrilled.
I have no idea if she’ll ever feel the same.
As evening approaches and we head out to retrieve Ranger, then grab an early dinner before I have to head to the marina for my sailing tonight, she turns to me. “What are you thinking?”
I’d love to tell her. I don’t.
Instead, I shrug. “Anything in particular you want to do once I’m home from this sunset cruise? Finish that Netflix thing we started? Open a bottle of wine and talk?”
A smile creeps across her lips, then she leans closer. “Fuck on the lanai?”
The male part of me does a predictable happy dance. My goddamn heart wonders if she’ll ever let herself think of me as more than a good time.
Dude, when has any female ever valued you for more than the way you make them feel?
Never. It sucks.
So why are you expecting her to be different?
“If you want,” I finally murmur.
She frowns. “D-did that upset you? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that or assumed—”
“It’s fine.” What else can I say? None of my problems are her fault.
“It’s not.” She grips my hands tighter. “You’ve made me feel great these last four days. Tell me how I can make you smile.”
The idea appears in that moment. Is it stupid? Probably. But I’ve got nothing else. “You know, I’ve never had an actual girlfriend if I don’t count Voldemort.”
“Why would you count her?”
“Exactly. Just like you hadn’t had an actual lover if you didn’t count Thom.”
“And I definitely don’t anymore.”
“Maybe what I need are boyfriend lessons.”
Masey laughs. “You’re crazy.”
“I’m serious.”
She shakes her head. “No. You’re perfect. You’re attentive without being smothering. You give space without being distant. You listen. You help. You’re not selfish, moody, or insecure. You don’t pay more attention to your buddies, your family, your job, or your phone than me. Despite me jumping to conclusions with Caitlyn, you don’t flirt with other women. You don’t disappear without explanation. You’re a good sport. You’re laid-back. You have a fun sense of humor. You build up the people around you. You’re unfailingly kind and giving. Before you, those were all things I didn’t think I’d find.”
Then why don’t you want them forever?
I want to scream the question at her.
She lays a soft hand on my arm. “Trace, you don’t need anything I can teach you.”
“But you think I need something?” I hear it in her voice.
“Yes, to stop falling for the wrong women. You gravitate to the ones focused on orgasms.”
Just like Masey was when we met.
She shrugs. “If you want more out of relationships, you need someone who’s looking for a good man to share her future.”
“What about you? What do you want?”
Suddenly, she looks wary. “Why do you ask?”
“You don’t have any guesses?” I challenge as we pull up in front of my brother’s big-ass mansion.
Masey frowns. “Trace…”
Before we can say more, Harlow walks Ranger out to me. It’s great to see my boy, but I fucking want to know what else Masey might have said.
With a curse, I shove the door open. My sister-in-law sets my smiling son in my arms and whispers, “Tread carefully with her.”
I kiss Ranger and hold him close. As I glance across the truck, I see Noah carrying a diaper bag and a small suitcase of Ranger’s things, making small talk with Masey.
“I’m fucking trying,” I murmur to Harlow.
“She’s afraid.”
And I’m frustrated as hell. “Just tell me…is she anywhere close to letting herself fall for me?”
Suddenly, Harlow smiles and rubs Ranger’s head. “The teething is getting more serious. I had to rub some stuff on his gums last night. But he was so sweet with Nolan, trying to pat him and share toys.”
I glance at my brother, who’s looking back at me. I give him an imperceptible nod. Yes, I need a minute more with Harlow.
“I’ll keep that in mind tonight,” Masey assures. “Anything in particular working well?”
“We packed what we’ve been using in the bag.” Noah holds it up. “And if you freeze some of his teething toys…”
As soon as Masey gets engrossed in the conversation, I hold Ranger closer and stare at Harlow. “Is she?”
“She’s hard to read, but I think so. She’s quiet, which means she’s thinking. That’s good news.”