Anna and Clara were full of a new game they’d invented.
‘Mummy, what’s this?’
I was trying to persuade them to sit properly at the table and eat their fish fingers and beans.
‘What?’
‘Listen – mish-mash giggiwok cam-bam looloo.’
She and Clara burst out laughing. Clara managed to get out, ‘May-may ding-dong schammer-dammer.’
They turned flushed faces to me.
I made a show of considering. ‘Are you speaking Spanish?’
They giggled, pleased to be outsmarting me. ‘No, Mummy. Listen!’
More nonsense. I leaned forward and speared a piece of fish finger with Anna’s fork, then put the fork into her hand. ‘I’ll have another guess once you’ve both finished two bites of fish fingers.’
‘Mum-my!’
I waited while they laboriously chewed, eating as painfully as if the food were cardboard.
Finally, two bites later, they set off again.
Clara said, ‘Dibber-dabber-dishcloth!’
Anna nearly fell off her chair laughing.
‘Tarty-starty-barty,’ she answered.
They rounded on me again.
‘Go on! Guess.’
‘That is tricky.’ I tried to look thoughtful. ‘Icelandic?’
They looked at each other and frowned.
Anna said, ‘Wait. Is that even a real thing?’
‘It is indeed. It’s what they speak in Iceland.’ I took the peas out of the microwave and added them to the girls’ plates. ‘You know Iceland? It’s a country. Right at the top. Very cold.’
‘Have you been?’
‘No.’
‘Has Daddy?’
‘No.’ I tried to distract her from thinking about Ralph. ‘So, can I have one more guess?’
‘One more. And that’s it.’
‘Hmm.’ I screwed up my face. ‘I know!’ I held up a finger in triumph. ‘Mer-language.’
‘No!’ Clara roared, delighted.
Anna said, ‘Mer-language? That’s just silly.’
‘I don’t see why. How can mermen and mermaids talk to each other if they haven’t got their own language? Sblib-sblob-nooney-noo?’
‘That’s not even it,’ Anna said. ‘Anyway, you’re wrong. It’s alien language and Clara and I are the only people who know it.’
‘Well done. If any aliens come to the door, I’ll ask you to come and talk to them.’
Anna gave me a scornful look. ‘Aliens aren’t real, Mummy. How are they going to come to the door?’
The only person who came to the door was Bea, about an hour later.
We headed for the kitchen for our usual quick handover chat before she took Clara home.
‘Have you done something to your hair?’ Bea followed me down the hall. ‘You look different.’
‘Do I?’ I waited until she caught me up, not sure what to say.
Bea paused, looking me over. ‘You look great, Helen. It’s not your hair, is it? It’s you. You’re all sort of sparkly.’
I laughed. ‘Oh, come on. If you need a favour, just come right out and ask me. You don’t need to butter me up.’
‘I mean it. You looked so tired before, after…’ She looked embarrassed.
I knew exactly what she meant. After Ralph disappeared.
She carried on, quickly. ‘But now, you look fab. Better than ever.’ She gave me a closer look. ‘You’re not seeing someone, are you?’
‘As if.’ I went back to washing up the girls’ dishes and pans. I thought about Ralph and all the dramas, all the disappointments. ‘Anyway, I’ve got one special person in my life. Anna. That’ll do me.’
Bea picked up a tea towel and started to dry. ‘How’s Anna doing?’
I hesitated. ‘She doesn’t talk about him much, but she’s having nightmares. She had one last night.’
Bea pulled a sympathetic face. ‘Poor thing.’
I nodded. It had taken Anna a long time to calm down last night, even after I’d woken her. I’d ended up taking her into my bed with me and cuddling her to sleep. At least there was plenty of room, now, without Ralph.
I hadn’t slept much, after that. Anna’s distress wasn’t my only worry.
I took a deep breath. ‘I’ve got news.’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Good news?’
‘I hope so.’ I took a deep breath. ‘You know I said I was looking for a new place? I think I’ve found one. I put an offer in yesterday and I just heard. It’s been accepted.’
‘Yesterday?’ She looked taken aback. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you had found somewhere?’
I shrugged. ‘I didn’t think it’d really happen. I didn’t want to jinx it.’
Bea blew out her cheeks. ‘That’s great news.’ She was straining to look pleased. ‘Well, tell me all about it. Where? What? Have you got photos to show me? Is it online?’
I looked away, through to the sitting room where the girls were practising their forward rolls down the length of the settee, giggling and giving each other exaggerated high-fives.
‘Let’s not do that now. Anyway, it’s nothing special. A two-bed on the outskirts of Bristol. There’s a decent school nearby.’
She stared. ‘Why Bristol, anyway?’
I shrugged and focussed on