in this small town, scrambling for the courage to go inside.
I hadn’t ever been much of a “joiner” throughout my life. Not when it came to the clothing drive in high school—I’d just slipped two bags of old clothes into the truck at the end of the school day—and not when it came to any other group activity. I much preferred binge-watching TV shows from the comfort of my own home, wherever that was at any given moment. But, somehow, I’d let two old ladies convince me to not only make a dish, but to show up in person.
“She didn’t dress up like Eddy told her to, but she’s a pretty little thing.” The voices came from behind me, and even though I didn’t want to turn, I had to. Two very different older women were staring at me. One with dark exotic features, and the other with fair skin and graying hair. Opposites attract seemed to be the theme of these friendships.
“She doesn’t speak very much, does she?” The question came from the fair-skinned woman.
“I speak enough,” I told them. “But it’s not every day that two random strangers start talking about me like they know me.”
The dark-haired woman arched a brow. “She’s got spunk, I like her.”
“Yeah, I like her attitude, too. The name is Helen Landon, and this here is Elizabeth Vargas. Some of Tulip’s finest, if you don’t mind my saying.”
“Nice to meet you both. I assume you round out the Sex & the City foursome with Eddy and Betty?”
“Oh, I like that,” Helen said. “I’ll be the blond one, she’s sassy.”
“Slutty, you mean,” Elizabeth amended. “You’d have to get out a little more just to be slutty.”
“I get out just fine,” she retorted, feigning hurt. “We’re not here to talk about me, anyway. Let’s get Stevie inside and introduce her around.”
“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” I told them, even as both women stood on either side of me and basically herded me into the building, like cattle. “I can find my way, myself.”
“Just go with it, honey,” Elizabeth whispered. “This is how we do things and it’ll go easier if you just go along.” That really wasn’t my strong suit.
“Stevie here has brought a dish,” Helen announced, speaking like I was a special charity project. “Isn’t she just lovely?”
A few older women who had gathered around the table half-filled with homemade dishes nodded and smiled. One even leaned in and pinched my cheek. “Beautiful. Even if she doesn’t do a damn thing to help herself,” Betty said from behind me.
“Eddy said dressing up was an option, and it’s an option I didn’t want to consider.” Why I was explaining myself, I didn’t know. Maybe it was being surrounded by half a dozen women who were professional moms. “What’s the big deal? This is for charity, right?”
“Of course,” Elizabeth said and took the bowl from my hands. “But it never hurts to put in a little effort.”
“I’m not looking to hook up right now.” There was no point in letting these women think they could get their little miss matchmaker on with me when I wasn’t looking.
“That’s the best time to find exactly what you need,” Betty assured me with a sympathetic smile that said she knew they were all a bit much.
“Thanks for the kind words and everything, but really, I just came to offer some help and see what this small-town thing was all about.” I’d be gone soon enough, so there was no point in letting them get close or starting to like them—even though they were the pushiest, funkiest, most bad-ass old ladies I’d ever come across in my travels through this great state.
“At least smile. You have such great teeth.” Helen grinned at me as if the problem was that I didn’t know how to smile, not that I didn’t want to. “Better. A little bigger would be better, though.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do you serve alcohol at these things?”
Eddy laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into her bony frame. “I think I’ve found my new best friend. Let me show you where the cold beer is kept.”
“Bless you, Eddy.” I let her tear me away from the rest of the women, sucking in a deep breath when we arrived at the drinks table, which held far fewer people in general and a lot fewer matchmaking matrons.
“Even dressed like a teenage boy, you’re a knockout. That should help. Have fun tonight—and use condoms.” Then, like she hadn’t