Mismatched Under the Mistletoe - Jess Michaels Page 0,51
her ears began to ring, her arms tingle.
His face was a mask of pain, frustration gone and replaced by the pure truth she had never understood, never seen, never allowed herself to accept.
“I…I love you,” he repeated.
Chapter 13
Cav had never intended to make his confession tonight, here in the library where they’d begun it all. But a few words from her and he’d had no choice. The feelings that had burned within his heart for nearly a decade had fallen from his lips, and now they hung between them.
Emily’s eyes shone with tears beneath her beautiful mask, her mouth dropped open with shock at what he’d told her.
“Please say something,” he whispered.
She swallowed hard and backed toward one of the chairs in front of the fire. She sat down hard and stared up at him. “You are…in love with me?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“How…long have you felt this way?” she asked. Her voice broke as she said it.
He shifted because he knew the truth would hurt her, perhaps even anger her. Despite that, he couldn’t lie. He’d spent too many years doing that already. “Emily—”
“How long?” she repeated, her tone louder and sharper.
He paced the bookshelf and fiddled with the spines a moment as he tried to find the courage for what would come next. The courage to face what he’d always allowed himself to hide away from.
He turned toward her slowly. “From the first moment I met you. Nine years ago.”
“Cav,” she said, and the way she gripped the armrests of the chair spoke volumes. She shook her head over and over, and finally she asked, “Did he know?”
They both knew who he was. There was no need for clarification.
“No,” he said immediately. “I would never have told him that—it would have served nothing but to hurt him, hurt you. You were his. He loved you and you loved him. And I…I loved you both.”
She lifted her hand and covered her mouth, and now her entire face was a mask. Only her wide eyes told him anything about her feelings.
“I sat back,” he continued, “And never would have ever interfered. Even after he died—”
“Cav!” she burst out as she leapt to her feet.
“—you needed me as a friend,” he continued. “And I wanted to be that for you. Truth be told, I needed you too. Only we understood that loss, didn’t we? Only we knew what the other felt or needed in those horrible months and years after he was gone.”
Her breath hiccupped from her mouth and she gasped, “Yes.”
He shrugged. “So I still said nothing, all this time. For the same reasons you gave when you resisted coming to my bed. Neither of us wanted to damage what we had. Because it is important and precious and everything to me. But make no mistake, Emily: I love you.”
She turned away and paced to the window. She stood there, shoulders rolled forward as she stared out at the dark night for what felt like a lifetime. She didn’t face him as she said, “I-I don’t know what to say.”
He smiled at that. As terrifying as it was to wait for her reaction, as much as he feared that she would pull away, he felt lighter than he had in so long. Because the truth was out. He was no longer in hiding. He was free.
“I know you don’t,” he said. “Because you didn’t see.” Now she did face him with another soft gasp. He held up his hands in a gesture of understanding. “It’s not an accusation, Em. I never expected you to see. I did everything in my power to keep you in the dark.”
Her cheek twitched. “Then why…why tell me now?”
She wanted to close Pandora’s Box. He understood that. How many years had he longed for the same before he finally accepted that his heart would not change? That he had to embrace the pain, and then he could feel the beauty of loving her, whether she ever returned that emotion or not.
“Because since we came here, since we kissed in this very room, in the very spot where you stood when I found you here tonight, we have connected. I know you feel it, even if you would deny it out of fear or self-preservation or guilt or a million other emotions I see playing over that beautiful face, mask or no mask.”
“Because you would know me in the dark,” she said, her voice a sob.
He smiled because she was quoting his words on the dancefloor back to